Sunday, August 14, 2011

I'm Not Really a Meth Dealer... Yet


I've learned something since becoming a post-grad a little over a week ago. People have too many goddamn opinions. An example? Why of course.

“So what are you going to do with your life now that you're out of college?”

Well, I was thinking about selling crystal meth, but I just don't think I have that trustworthy drug-dealer face.

Unfortunately, my responses are never as witty as my imagined-blog responses. The real ones usually sound like this.

Umm, well, I don't know. I think I'm going to keep making coffee for awhile, and I've been writing this blog.

It seems people don't want to hear that you have no idea what you want to do with your life. You've had four years, what in the fuck have you been doing? Any uncertainty immediately takes you out of the "responsible student" category and fast-tracks you into the "soon to be posing seductively on cars" category. 

Seriously people, I didn't just tell you that I got finger-banged by a vagrant in an alleyway again. I told you that I don't know what I want to do with the majority of my time for the next 40 or so years. Give me a break.

So I guess I might really be a barista for a little while, and a blogger and kinda into homeless people, but so is Ke$ha, and she seems to be doing alright for herself.

Life Goals are Bullshit!
You tell 'em K-Money.

11 comments:

the sweetest girl. said...

i absolutely HATE that question. seriously.

<3 jaz

Timothy Bowen said...

Life is what you make it. Plus, jobs aren't who you are. Too many people get stuck in the thought trap that their identity is defined by their career. We're so much more than just what we do for money. Me? I think what we love defines us a lot more.

BlackLOG said...

I've learned something since becoming a post-grad a little over a week ago. People have too many goddamn opinions.
You are so right and here are my 2 cents worth (I even translated that from the English version) on your career options

finger-banged by a vagrant in an alleyway
Would be covered as either a hobby or charity work so a gateway career at best, as for
selling crystal meth, but I just don't think I have that trustworthy drug-dealer face
That's why we have little old ladies and Girl Guides. They only exist to put a legitimate face on iffy business ventures…

A Beer for the Shower said...

My neighbors all think I'm a meth dealer, and they hate me. I kinda wish I was making meth... that way I could at least be making some money while I get all of that hate.

Speaking of hate, I too hate that question. The moment you finish college, everyone expects you to have a 'life plan.' Please. I graduated college in 2006 and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Amy @Coffee Tuesdays said...

Oh, they expect you to have a life plan before you get out of college. Tell anyone you're several years into an English BA and they already want to know what the hell you plan on using that for.

Carrymel said...

Ohhh Al :) can I call you Al? Lol

I hate when people ask me the "now what" question! With a fiery passion. I had a week or so when I was just telling people all types of craziness like me going to Europe or getting a modeling contract or joining the Peace Corps. Lying is just so much more effortless.

Allie said...

Jaz- Me too! I think the next person who asked is going to get punched.

Timothy- That was lovely. I almost feel bad talking about meth so much in this blog.

BlackLOG- I think you're trying to tell me I can be a drug dealer. We will have to talk about this potential venture at another time.

Beer- Fuck life plans, you're a Blog of Note!

Amy- I think me and you should both start punching people who ask that question. Deal?

Nhya- I like Al. It kind of makes me feel like a softball player. And I think lying is a fantastic idea... How about, "I'm moving to L.A. to be a JBieber-focused paparazzo."

BlackLOG said...

BlackLOG- I think you're trying to tell me I can be a drug dealer. We will have to talk about this potential venture at another time.
The drug dealing is just to get you from being finger-banged by a vagrant in an alleyway through to being finger-banged by a millionaire in his Ferrari in that same alleyway – even after graduation it’s important to set your goals high, but remember there maybe a number of steps before you get to that Ferrari, including Shopping Carts and even worse the shame of being enticed into a Prius ….

Mooner Johnson said...

Allie. I saw your witty retort over to Squatlo's place and thought I'd drop by.

OK, first, allowing homeless people to finger bang you is one of the most charitable acts I have ever heard of. You, my darling, are an angel.

Second, here in Texas, baristas make better wages than the thousands of new jobs the asshole known as Texas governor Prick Perry brags on.

Third, a good way to earn a free book would be to enter the "Fuck Rick Perry Haiku Contest" over to my place. Contest rules are on the blog.

I'll be back to ransack your site.

Woody said...

I graduated about a year ago and couldn't find a job for 6 months. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do either, but you hit the nail right on the head - during those 6 months I was posing on cars while getting finger-banged by hobos. Everyone was a winner.

Allie said...

BlackLOG- I really have no desire to get finger banged by a millionaire. I'm a democrat.

Mooner- Anyone who calls me an angel and encourages me to badmouth Rick Perry via haiku in a comment is more than welcome here. I look forward to the ransacking.

Woody- It makes me feel good that other graduates had no solid plans either.

Now about you posing on cars while getting manually stimulated... Pics or it didn't happen.