Monday, August 1, 2011

Help Me Permanently Damage My Liver

No more co-pay for birth control. A deal regarding the debt ceiling. THS: Snooki is on E! right now. Today is a good day.

To-Do: Clean Toilet Before Friday
With all this great news floating around, I decided not to screw it up by blogging about lattes. Instead, I decided to screw it up by blogging about booze.

I graduate from college Friday. I'm elated. I mean, this is a monumental event, and I will never get to experience it again. For that reason, I have decided to drink so much that night that I forget how to use a pencil. Already making good post-college decisions, I know.

Now, I need your help. What should I drink? I'm not much of a binge drinker, so I'm looking to you guys for advice on what to wet my whistle with.

I promise to order every drink suggested to me and will be taking photographic proof of my boozing, which I will proudly post to this blog once I regain motor skills.

So, if you were a recent college-graduate with a degree in journalism and political science, what would you drink? Besides a bottle of NyQuil chased with a handful of pills.

Now, back to Snooki, because I've got a lot to learn before I can keep up with that little, orange bitch.

P.S. I've received a few emails from people eager to hear my unqualified advice, but there is still time if you have yet to figure out how to put your adult-baby fetish into words. Email me at or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. I will answer one question every Thursday until I give up on my dreams and go to law school.


Miss Sassy Pants said...

I totally support this behavior.

Vodka cran
AMF (x2)

And then:

Another vodka cran
and another 2 AMF.

Good luck. xD

Allie said...

I'm glad to have you onboard with Operation: Get Allie wastedface. But, what the hell is an AMF? I'm going to have to google this shit.

nickster said...

Shot of triple sec to remember 8th grade shot of 151 to remember high school vodka and oj to remember slacker days between high school and college and a martini to commerate college... Btw don't bitch I didn't say a hinikin and hennessey shot to remember Jims!! Be thankful btw I want the proof oh yea wait I'll be there haha

Allie said...

Oh come on Nicky, let me do a shot of Henny. Also, I wonder if I can find some sizzurp.

Gabs said...

Allie: This is what you will start with, now pay attention, because you must drink in this exact order.

1. Start off with a subtle drink, strong, but no so strong you're knocked on your ass in seconds. My suggestion is a Cuba Libre. Basically a Rum and Coke. They're delicious, and simple.

2. After one or two of those, move on up to the more advanced rack. I like Whiskey Sours, make it a double if you're feeling freaky. I also like to add a shot on the side.

3. By now you should be feeling excellent. If you really want to amp up your night, go with what Sassy Pants said and get an AMF. Or I prefer a Sammi Sweetheart.

4. If you aren't knocked on your tush, I'm impressed. End the night with a Vodka Tonic, or a bunch of asprin and a bucket by your bedside.

Also, an AMF is called an "Adios Mother Fucker." One of the deadlier drinks known to the college population. It consists of Vodka, Rum, Tequila, Gin, Blue Curacao, Sour Mix, and 7UP. I'm not sure what's in a Sammi Sweetheart, but it tastes DAMN good. Think Lemonade :)

Allie said...

Gabs, you're beautiful! How did you know I love things in list form? That will be copied, pasted and brought with me.

nickster said...

I want an AMF!