Sunday, July 31, 2011

Need Advice? No. Oh the Fuck Well

I'm mediocre to awful at most things I do. (If you don't believe me I will post a video of myself dancing or trying to do ninth-grade algebra.) But for all the things that I suck at, I have been given a gift. I am the advice goddess. Oh yeah. You heard me.  

However, I would suggest you don't come to me looking for any real life advice.

Example: How do I get a job after college?
Answer: I have no fucking clue. I decided to make coffee and write a blog with my degree. 

But if you're looking for advice on the good stuff (love/sex/relationships/howtodoblowoffahooker) you've come to the right place. So, I decided to parlay my gift for tawdry advice into a blog segment. I will (anonymously) answer questions sent to my email:  notreallyabarista@gmail.com or my twitter: @AllieOopsie every Thursday.

I mean if Dr. Phil can dole out weight-loss advice, because he took a group-aerobics class at the YMCA one time. I figure I can tell people how to give a blowie, because I let random boys over-the-sweater grope me in middle school.

9 comments:

Sophie @ threetimesf said...

Haha, I love this!!

Allie said...

Thanks, Sophie! Feel free to share this little nugget of 'advice gold' lol. Btw, I love your blog. I've been perusing it for a bit, and the setup is wonderful.

Liz Taylor Training said...

HAHAHAHAHAAHH this is hiliarious. I'm loving it. I can't wait to see the answers you have to some questions.

I'm still laughing @ "I decided to make coffee and write a blog with my degree"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

U ROCK

A Beer for the Shower said...

I can hardly wait to see this. In the meanwhile, I would actually like it if you posted a video of you dancing. Or doing ninth-grade algebra. Or dancing while doing ninth-grade algebra. This has 'viral video' written all over it.

Casey said...

Hey girl! Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog. Do me (and yourself!) and favor, and hook up your email address with your blogger account so people can reply via email! Read more about it from this awesome chica: http://pinkloulou-confessionsofa20something.blogspot.com/2011/07/new-to-blogging.html

Allie said...

Thanks so much for the tip Casey! Still working out some of the kinks and love helpful advice!

Allie said...

I'd post the video, Beer, but I'm afraid it would bring on new talk of the apocalypse. I'm just not ready to lead a movement like that.

Carrymel said...

hahaha at least you've found your calling! You go girl! :D if I ever do need advice on the real important stuff, I know where to go!

http://carrymel.blogspot.com

Amy said...

"I mean if Dr. Phil can dole out weight-loss advice, because he took a group-aerobics class at the YMCA one time..." best line ever!