Thursday, September 8, 2011

Help! Sheets are Expensive

Allie hi!
I have been with this guy I am extremely attracted to but I have never came. I fake it or make him stop because I don't want to orgasm. I am very embarrassed because I am a squirter or more of a gusher. When I masturbate I have to change my sheets. It's gross, I know but I can't help it. I am very embarrassed because the first time I had an orgasm my highschool bf was going down on me and he accused me of pissing on his face!! I was mortified and I haven't let myself orgasm with a guy since! I feel like nobody would want to be with me if I told them and it's not like when it's getting all hot and heavy I can be like "hey by the way if I orgasm and u get all wet it's ok I didn't pee pinky promise!" What should I do? I really like this guy and I want to enjoy the sex as much as he does but I don't want to scare him off!
Southern Squirter

Umm...well... I'm out. I shall leave this one up to my just-as-unqualified readers. Let SS know what she should do in the comments.

Fuck, I need to go to church. 

XOXO Allie

If after reading this, you think you're fucked up enough to appear in this blog, write me at or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!


Anonymous said...

I'll answer this from the guys point of view, be point blank about it with your boyfriend, you may be surprised. I personally find it a turn-on because what really gets me hot is seeing (and feeling) my girl have an orgasm. It lets me know I'm doing my part right and quite frankly, the more she cums, the happier I am, which seems to make her pretty damned happy too. It's a win/win.

~RoB said...

As another guy, I also would second that you should be proud of your ability. There's a whole genre of porn and fantasies related to the very small population of girls with your ability.

I also have to agree that it is super hot to know when you've done something right. The female body is the hardest sudoku ever, and knowing that everything finally lined up correctly is an achievement that is hard to put into words.

Just be straight up. If he's not into it, it'll be awkward when you slip up and catch him off guard. He could probably get used to it. But chances are, he'll want you to prove it immediately. And again a little later. And maybe once more before tomorrow morning.

Liz Taylor Training said...

I read this while eating my oatmeal.

I'm not hungry anymore.

I used to work at a porn company, 99.99% of men think a "squirter" is hot. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

Maxwell said...

You seriously have exactly NOTHING to be embarrassed about. I also think you need to be with more experienced guys who know what they're doing.

I'm with the Anonymous person above - it's a huge turn-on.

If your guy is weirded out, be direct. Maybe sit him down and watch some squirting porn with him so he has an idea of what's happening. Then maybe masturbate and let him watch. Ease him into it if he's uneasy. But I can guarantee you that if he can make you cum that hard, he'll be requesting many high-fives.

And lay down a towel.

Allie said...

Thanks guys. I think SS probably needed to here this from a bunch of lady-ejaculate-lovin' dudes.

And Lmfao Liz!!

Anonymous said...


This might come off (!!!!!) sounding really preachy/maybe even creepily enthusiastic, depending on how you look at it... BUT!

I'll echo what everyone else has said about not being ashamed of your body or how your body reacts- it's completely normal. What your ex boyfriend said was hurtful and quite unwarranted- you musn't let that stop you from fully enjoying your body, your sexuality, and yourself! This does link in to how you view yourself- and denying yourself this is unhealthy.

I think having an honest chat with him about this would help and would really help you establish a safe space to explore your sexuality. I think having this conversation would also really help you 'own' it- don't apologise for your body. It isn't gross and it isn't embarrassing!

Remember- sex isn't just about the other person, it's also about you!

Chin up.

[Allie hi! I'm Risha. I popped over from 20sb, when your post on the 'Your Last Post' thread caught my attention. I think this is a great idea- the column- and I'll definitely be back. I don't think that there's enough of these things out there... and trust me, working in sexual health rights.. I KNOW! High five! xx ]

Allie said...

Risha, what great advice! I love hearing such sex-positive and body-positive advice coming from another young woman.

And thanks so much for all the kudos. I've always found human sexuality fascinating, so it felt like a good fit.

BlackLOG said...

My advice for the southern Squirter - issue him with a lifebelt, arm bands, a distress whistle and a flare – if he doesn’t drown you get to burn him as a witch…

Allie said...

BlackLOG- great advice as always!

Shane Pilgrim said...

"But I can guarantee you that if he can make you cum that hard, he'll be requesting many high-fives."

^This. I think most guys would enjoy the proof of their sexual prowess.

Also, the "I need to go to church" line was awesome.


Charcoal Renderings said...

To SS and anyone else interested--

Have you ever read or seen performed Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues"? All of the monologues in the show are from real women Eve interviewed, and she put together a comprehensive commentary on the way we as women view ourselves and our sexuality and the way our culture views these things about us as well. There's a monologue in the show entitled 'The Flood'--it is from the perspective of a much older, probably past middle-age, woman who talks about how when she was in her teens, she had her first sexual experience with a guy she was on a date with, where they were in his car and as things started to heat up, she had this same problem--and 'the flood,' as she calls it, got on her new dress and his car seat and the guy basically called her disgusting and kicked her out of the car. Since then she has 'closed the door' from sheer humiliation, and never sought after relationships ever again, because she was so terrified of 'the flood' happening.

I really don't want you to be that way. NO ONE should be that way, I second every comment on here about taking your body as it is and loving who you are and just embracing the way you naturally respond--anxiety about the problem will only make it worse, and it could do some serious damage to your view of yourself. It's already kept you from enjoying yourself with a guy since that first issue. Don't miss out on a lifetime of love and intimacy and really wonderful sex just because of your body's natural response! Solidarity, sister.

Kristina said...

Get yourself a Liberator Throe. They are awesome and comfy. Of course, you could also get a vinyl table cloth and put some towels on top of it. Or do it in the shower. Shower sex is fun.

Anonymous said...

You are ridiculously funny!

Thanks for giving me some chuckles and brightening my day 