Sunday, September 4, 2011

Because All Women Want to be Strippers

In my last post I talked about the rape-in-the-making situation known as Passion Parties. Since then, I've found something even better than the fake-dick Tupperware party.

Enter: Pole Parties.

Yep, ladies are now shelling out top dollar to grind themselves on a pole like a runaway. This seems like a really great idea. I mean, sure, some girls are going to cry because it reminds them of all the times their stepdads wanted to play "Dance for Fake Daddy," but thats okay, nothing a box of wine won't cure.

So come on ladies, bring a corset, some thigh-highs and all your deep-rooted self-esteem issues to my house next Saturday and we'll prove to all our ex-boyfriends that we were worthy of love by dry-humping a portable pole.

The book makes you look smart, but the stockings
make you look like you do webcam porn.

On a for real note girls, if anyone thinks that this is a good idea, please go to the closest non-sexual male in your life and make him tell you he's proud of you. 

Jesus, they're going to stop letting us vote if we keep doing this shit.

9 comments:

Tara said...

Yuck. This is a bit too much...there's no way in hell I'd ever want to go grind on a pole in front of other people, even if it was only in someone's home. The thought of sliding around on that thing right after someone else just did the same thing on it...well, that sounds like a terrible idea.

Allie said...

Tara- Lol, I completely agree. My initial thought was "Do they Lysol it afterwards?"

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

You are freaking hilarious. Seriously. I'm one step away from asking you to be my wife, and I'm STRAIGHT.

About those ladies...I can understand the urge to attract males, but seriously? What happened to the eternal truth that brains are the best sex organs?

Bonnie said...

mmmmm vag juice all over a metal pole....where do I sign up?

FUCK MAN those bitches give this bitch a bad name....

Shane Pilgrim said...

Susan B. Anthony is rolling in her grave right now, and if she ever comes back to life she will make it her mission to stick those poles up every one of their asses.

Pole Parties and other misguided attempts to "embrace your sexuality in the name of female empowerment" really accomplish the opposite goal. These same women are probably the ones who feel that Kesha is a champion of the women's rights movement.

~SP

Allie said...

Lemons- Well, I love people who think I'm hilarious, so I think we will have an excellent marriage.

About the ladies, unfortunately I think brains are losing to tits covered in glitter in the sex-appeal olympics. This makes me want to cry everyday.

Bonnie- HAHA, I don't even think those bitches deserved to be called bitches.

Shane- Wait! Ke$ha is not a champion in the women's rights movement?!? I feel like everything I've ever been told is a lie!

Thank_Q said...

Is this for real? In what neighborhood does this occur? Wow. LOL @ Lysol comment.

SadieSez said...

Dear Goddess, Please deliver me from bitches who are this stupid and shallow. Amen.

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