Help! My Sexual Advisor Sucks at her Job

Dear Allie,


How can I make my girlfriend cum? 


-Anonymous




Stop spelling it C-U-M. That should about do it, Anon.

Anyone else want to throw their hat in the sex advice ring?

I've got basketball to watch.

XOXO

ALLIE

P.S. If after reading this you think, "Holy shit! She's really bad at this advice-giving thing. There's not a chance in hell I'll send her an email." Send me one, anyway, at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or message me on Twitter @AllieOopsie.  You will remain anonymous.

Help! Sheets are Expensive

Allie hi!

I have been with this guy I am extremely attracted to but I have never came. I fake it or make him stop because I don't want to orgasm. I am very embarrassed because I am a squirter or more of a gusher. When I masturbate I have to change my sheets. It's gross, I know but I can't help it. I am very embarrassed because the first time I had an orgasm my highschool bf was going down on me and he accused me of pissing on his face!! I was mortified and I haven't let myself orgasm with a guy since! I feel like nobody would want to be with me if I told them and it's not like when it's getting all hot and heavy I can be like "hey by the way if I orgasm and u get all wet it's ok I didn't pee pinky promise!" What should I do? I really like this guy and I want to enjoy the sex as much as he does but I don't want to scare him off!

Thx

Southern Squirter


Umm...well... I'm out. I shall leave this one up to my just-as-unqualified readers. Let SS know what she should do in the comments.


Fuck, I need to go to church. 

XOXO Allie

P.S. If after reading this, you think you're fucked up enough to appear in this blog, write me at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!