Sunday, October 2, 2011

Sister Wives. Skeeved Out Blogger.

The not-creepy-at-all TLC show “Sister Wives” just premiered its third season.

Yep, polygamist Kody, and his date-rapist haircut is back, with his four Mormon wives and 13 Mormon children eager to show viewers their reality--which involves a communal bed and industrial-strength lubricant I'm sure.

It's kind of like Girls Next Store, except I would rather give myself carpal tunnel beating Hugh Hefner's flaccid penis than pretend to enjoy a bro-hug from this dude.

The previews for the new episode highlight the struggles facing the five parents while broaching the topic of dating with their litter of kiddos. One of the moms even addresses her fear that the children won't choose a polygamist lifestyle.

“If our kids don't choose to live this way, gosh, did I do a bad job?”

No, it means that your kids took one look around and said, “Ummm, no thanks.” And that kid should be given a high-fucking-five.

Boy, TLC, you're really living up to your acronym with this series. I've learned from your channel to never have a three-way with a Mormon, because this is what will happen.

Ugh. It can't be unseen.


Maxwell said...

Hugh Hefner's flaccid penis? That's fucking hilarious!!!

And I'm being followed on Twitter by a polygamy advocate. And the city of Provo, Utah. Are you jealous?

Tara said...

"Yep, polygamist Kody and his date-rapist haircut is back..."

He does seem like the kind of guy who'd put a roofie in your drink, huh?

I think that the wives are weak for going into a situation like that, and I think Kody is a douchebag for thinking that he can say God sent him a message to enter polygamy and have the best of all worlds...He's full of shit.

Allie said...

Maxwell- Super jealous!!! No one crazy and religious ever follows me :(

Tara- Yeah, I'm pretty sure all those women have had a run-in with Mr. Roofie.

And seriously, I completely agree about the God's message stuff. It seems like such mind-fucking!

Cary said...

"It's kind of like Girls Next Store, except I would rather give myself carpal tunnel beating Hugh Hefner's flaccid penis, than pretend to enjoy a bro-hug from this dude."

I literally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at this... And I just realized the awful pun I made in that sentence. Anyhow, thank you for the laughs and the amazing commentary as always!

Allie said...

Thanks Cary! But every word of that sentence is true lol

Nicky said...

I love that show and maybe in another life I had sister wives!! Just sayin!

Kayleigh said...

I've seen a few episodes of this show and i chose not to continue watching. I'm usually not a judgmental person, but that show is to much for me to handle. I would choke a bitch if she asked me to share my husband with her.

Allie said...

Nicky- I think what your talking about is a wife orgy. I don't think these silly Mormons would be up your alley!

Kayleigh- Agreed! But then again if my hubby had date-rapist hair I might try to pawn him off on other ladies too!

Now, doesn't judgement fool good lol Thanks for the comment.

Carrymel said...

Unfortunately, even after all the valid points you've made this is one of those shows I would add to my "would watch if I had cable" list, lol. I don't know why, but the Mormon lifestyle is incredibly entertaining to me. Blame it on Big Love.

Allie said...

It's okay, Nhya. I mean, I mock it all, but trashy, IQ-killing reality TV is my weakness.

Jason said...

Your stuff is great, gonna add you to my blog roll on my blog. Kepp it up...funny as hell.

Allie said...

Thanks Jason!

andreagyoung said...

Douchebag, arrogant, dick weasel. But, the ladies have a good thing going. Their shit gets paid, house is taken care of, and they don't have to put up with the constant request for sex because I'm pretty sure men could do it every night if we let them.
Just thinking about that makes my lady bacon hurt.

Leah said...

They're not Mormon, but everything else is true, and you're hilarious.