Tuesday, October 18, 2011

GOP Debate CliffsNotes

I'm back. 

I fought off my Flu. Or West Nile. Or Scurvy. Whatever hell-born illness that kept me in my bed watching Toddlers and Tiaras while taking copious amounts of Robotussin. By the way, I had no idea that drinking a couple bottles of cough syrup makes you trip balls but apparently it does. So it's been a pretty good week.

Anyways, I'm back just in time for the eighth and not-even-slightly unnecessary GOP debate being held tonight in Las Vegas. Yep, our favorite gaggle of entitled tools are here for another round of talking about why they should be the leader of the free world. I wish I cared enough to watch it, but as I mentioned earlier, I may be addicted to drugs now, so that means my vote goes to Ron Paul.

But for my loyal readers who may not be as confident in their pick, I've decided to gather up some of my favorite #GOPdebate, #Tweetthepress, #CNNdebate tweets to give you guys an overview of the event without having to watch that awful fucking thing.

  •  @RexHuppkeI love it when they use the term "illegals." It so racist-y without *officially* being racist!  
  • @Apparently Republicans like science when it comes to nukes; not so much when it comes to climate change. And monkeys. 
  • @michele bachman is a closet duggar please RT #tweetthepress
  • @If Bachmann doesn't get the nom she can always audition for Julie the Social Director on the remake of "The Love Boat." 
  • @A Mormon just complimented a black man on his chutzpah. 
  • @Romney's missing a great opportunity to run on a Polygamy platform & get 100% of the male vote. 
  • @Every time I look at Rick Santorum I think, "So this is what Ted Haggard as a politician looks like?"
  • @: I'm trying to picture Jesus telling the poor and unemployed to suck it. 
  • @The weak performances of Rick Perry & Herman Cain at this debate are proof that Mitt Romney's magic underpants really do work #tweetthepress


Don't you feel informed now? Feel free to thank me with bottles of Robotussin. 

14 comments:

Tara said...

I am truly scared that one of these people could be the next President of the United States...There are literally no good options here. Can you say, "fucked?"

Allie said...

Tara- Yeah, same here! The more debates I watch the more nervous I become.

BlackLOG said...

Sod GOP I’m more interested in your recent health problems....putting on my stethoscope*

- Dr BlackLOG is in the house –

I’ve taken your pearls of swine food and mashed them into a scary made up disease that will sweep the world once the gutter press get hold of it and implant it in the Psyche of the great under-educated...

Be afraid, be very afraid as I unveil the latest pandemic to sweep the planet

West Hell Scurvy Flu

taken from the very pages of this here blog**....The only known cure – stop reading those sewer drenched papers....

* Don’t fret I’ve warmed the business end by shoving it down my tidy whites – no need to be anxious if it looks like a fuzzy hedgehog.... it’s all organic

** You only have yourself to blame for not having a sexier, more terrifying named plague....

Ach du lieber said...

I know it's bad when I want to tell Michelle Bachmann to get off the stage and go make me a sandwich.

Ach du lieber said...

BTW, glad you're feeling better.

Allie said...

BlackLOG- I think West Hell Scurvy Flu sounds pretty sexy. Maybe it can be the new Mono!!

Ach- Nope, not bad at all. I think that maybe the only real qualification she has!

And thank you!

Erin likes it hot. said...

Robotripping is the worst idea mc ever. Do you remember running from your mom when she had the dimetapp in hand? Why would you now drink a whole bottle. Yuck. Geez, if you didn't follow such well informed people on twitter, I might actually hold it against you.
JK, hope you feel better. Being sick sucks balls.

Allie said...

Erin- I just can't help it! I love a cheap high! BTW, I'm just kidding. I don't even like taking Nyquil.

And thanks! I'm finally starting to feel human again.

Deidre said...

I am seriously hoping someone else will throw their hat in the ring.

Allie said...

Deidre- It will definitely be interesting to see how everything pans out.

heather said...

let me start this by saying bravo Allie - i love your blog! funny, witty with a touch of sarcasm.... love it!

as far as the upcoming election goes..... i generally vote for whichever candidate i think will fuck up the country the least.... needless to say, i may just have to abstain...

lastly, i hope you recover quickly from the West Hell Scurvy Flu - pretty sure i had the same thing though i classified mine as the plague....

Allie said...

Heather- Thanks so much for all the love. I always appreciate when anyone finds my smartass mouth to be a positive personality trait.

On the upcoming election... we will see. I'm nervous, but I don't physically think I could abstain.

Glad you're over the plague. I hear it's a bitch.

Thank_Q said...

LOL! Those are great! It's scary that one of them will get the nomination. I happen to think the Repubs aren't happy with their choices, but have to roll with one of these people. I honestly think they would back a squirrel on disability if he was capable of beating Obama.

the Tsaritsa said...

Yet another reason to vote for Obama!