Tuesday, July 5, 2011

WARNING: This Post You're About to Enjoy is Extremely Hot

Today I was reviewing some of my blogs stats  (you know, how many views I've gotten, where they came from, and if any of those people are convicted child molesters) I noticed an option to see what search words people most often used when they stumbled upon my little blog. Wanna know what they were?

Let's see: HORNY SEMI NUDE BARISTAS. PLAYBOY BARISTA. HORNY BARISTAS. BAD PLAYBOY GIRLS HORNY.

So it seems people are coming to my blog looking for porn, and I can't help but think "Damn, they must be disappointed." I mean, I've been told that I swear like a $2 whore, however that accusation doesn't really represent any of my day to day activities.

I almost feel bad. I know I get super pissed when I'm googling ways to poison customers and instead I get sent poison control. So I can only imagine how these presumably middle-aged, world-of-warcraft playing coffee fetishists feel when instead of finding tawdry blog posts about horny, playboy playmate baristas they find me bitching about out-of-towners or the regular who always forgets to flush the toilet.

I decided that since I'm not really a barista, I would do all these creepy bastards a favor and be a pornographer. So for today only call me Allie Flint.

You Are Welcome.

2 comments:

The Diatribest said...

Awesome, so glad to meet a fellow blogger who muther-fucking swears better than a drunk sailor on shore leave. Someone once stumbled on to my blog while they were searching for "men who enjoy women shoving pointy shoes in their throat." EWWW!

Allie said...

Lovely to meet you as well. By the way, I had no idea that people were even into pointy shoes getting shoved down their throats. I guess I've got a lot to learn to keep up with these sick, inventive bastards.