Last week I had to take a short break from sharing my tales of Barista-ing to ensure that I will never give birth vaginally. Yep, my best friend had a baby.
I don't believe anyone can fully be prepared for what happens when a little person comes into the world. It's something like this. And while I like to think that I am a badass motherfucker (or a BAMF as you crazy kids are calling it these days) giving birth is possibly the most gangster thing anyone can do. Suck on that, Chris Brown.
In more baby news, my brother and his child-bride are also knocked up. This instance makes me a little more nervous. One, because I'm afraid of what childbirth will do to my brother's 12-year-old baby mama. Two, because my families genes will be passed down (I promise I will tell you guys about them when I think you can handle it).
However, I can't say that the idea of being an aunt isn't exciting. I mean, I'm going to be able to teach this little bastard to string together expletives like none other.
"Fuck you, you whoreface supercunt. I don't want to eat broccoli." -Max, Jr. Age 4
Aww, my heart swells with pride at the thought.
Now, I'm off to try and stab my ovaries with a metal clothes-hanger just in case this shit is contagious.