It appears that a Rush Limbaugh/Ann Coulter/Glenn Beck gangbang spawned some sort of evil, bigoted lovechild about 14 years ago.
His name is Caiden Cowger. He "hosts" a show on YouTube, and is a real asshole. Don't believe me? Watch this video.
Thanks for the insights, Caiden. That's a super-straight name, by the way. I'll get back to you in just a sec.
As you can imagine, Caiden angered a lot of people with his opinions on homosexuality and the president, but the West-Virginia (suprising, right?) teen refused to back down. He has even created a new Youtube channel and is ready to spew more teenage-angst into the interwebs.
So, Caiden, I hear you have a problem with the gays. You think it's a choice. You think it's perverted. You think all your middle school homies are now sucking dick ever since Lady Gaga and the president came out in support of marriage equality.
Man, that sounds tough. It's really hard to be 14, huh? I mean you have all of these opinions, but no one will listen to you.
But you want to know what's worse than that, Caiden?
Some 14-year-old punk having an opinion about fucking ANYTHING. I don't even want to have to sit next to a teenager at the movies, much less hear one pretend that he has any clue about the complexities of human sexuality.
And that's fine, at 14 you're not supposed to have concrete beliefs, because you haven't really been out in the world yet. I'm 26, and I'm still learning new things everyday.
Caiden, I know I'm being hard on you. But you're obviously a precocious kid, and one day when you leave bumfuck West Virginia, you'll realize the ideas that have been shoved down your throat by the adults in your life may not be true.
President Obama is not turning kids gay.
Homosexuality is not a choice.
Rush Limbaugh is not a role model.
Now if you've listened to nothing I've said thus far, listen to this. Recently a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that homophobia may be a result of repressed homosexual desire.
You know what that means, Caiden?
That a lot of the people who talk about how wrong it is to be gay, end up being gay.