Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Bristol Palin Tells Me Life is a Tripp. However She Named He Kid Tripp so I Don't Trust Her Judgement.

Lifetime, the network responsible for every movie that features a battered woman murdering her husband with a pickaxe, is at it again.

Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp premiered a week ago on the network. In the name of research, I spent an hour watching the previously-aired episodes, and oh man is it good. 

No. Definitely not good in the traditional sense of the word. Good for someone who blogs about horrible reality TV shows. It's good for me.

The premise of the show is unclear, which I think is intentional. The viewer is confused and therefore more susceptible to be preyed upon.

Is this show about her moving to LA? Why is she moving? Where exactly is Wasilla? Why did she name her kid Tripp? What's happening with her chin? Fuck it, I'm already 20 minutes in I guess I'll finish watching.

But from what I could tell, Bristol, Baby Tripp, and her sister Willow (who will inevitably be cast on The Bad Girl's Club) decide to move from Wasilla to Los Angeles.

 Her reasoning: "I'm moving to LA to show Tripp another part of the world."

Actually, Bristol, that is only showing Tripp another part of America. Good effort, though.

Bristol's mom, Sarah Palin (maybe you've heard of her) is very supportive of her girls making the trek to Hollywood. She can be seen in several scenes sounding like an Alaskan Larry the Cable Guy and  spouting clich├ęs about life being an adventure.

A quick aside: This woman named her boys Track and Trigg. I assume her idea of an adventure is getting the shit beat out of you in middle school.

With all the necessary support and still no valid reasoning, the Palin girls head off to sunny California. At first everything is great, they see the awesome mansion they'll be living in. Bristol heads to the super-cool charity she'll be working at that, like, feeds kids or something. Then she visits Skid Row and sees some black people for the first time. All in all, California is pretty swell.

But drama begins when Bristol and a couple friends visiting from Alaska get into an altercation at dinner with some gentlemen who probably don't own Palin 2016 bumper stickers.

Man at Bar (to Bristol who is riding a mechanical bull): Did you ride
 Levi like that? Your mother's a whore. She's fucking Satan.

Bristol: Why is my mother Satan? Is it because your a homosexual?

As you can imagine, shit got real. Bristol ending up sobbing after receiving a verbal bitch slap from a couple of homosexuals. But to be honest, Bristol should have known that the homosexuals are a very sassy bunch.

After that, California wasn't so fun.

Bristol (on the phone after the fight): I have a ton of cameras
and paparazzi on me. This is not fair. This is not fun.

Umm, Bristol, those cameras are from your reality show. You know the one about life being a trip(p)? And fair? Do you remember visiting Skid Row? You're going to need to stop speaking.

Some other stuff happened, like her bitchy sister moving back to Wasilla and her kid filing for a legal name change, but I lost interest in the show once she stopped hysterically crying. 

Overall, Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp is like a shittier version of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  Except, Kim Kardashian had the decency to bang a mediocre rapper on camera before showing up on my TV and calling herself a star.

You're move, Bristol.


Boot ~C said...

Bristol is sadly unarmed in a battle of wits w/ sassy gay boys!!

Allie said...

Lol She should have known better!

MonsteRawr said...

Boo! It's hard to live in a giant LA mansion and live a pampered life while I try to pretend to be meaningful and relevant. Waaah! Mooooommmmmmmy!

Seriously, at least Kim Kardashian knows she's a giant whore.

Allie said...

I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

L-Kat said...

After I finish season2 of Swamp People I'm checking this show out. Maybe if I make a drinking game out of it I'll enjoy it.

Allie said...

YES! A drinking game is so necessary.

Take a shot every time she calls her mom her role model.

Shotgun a beer every time she talks about being an unwed mother.

Ally Gregory-Moore said...

I want to watch this show just so I can see her cry.

Allie said...

That alone is worth it!

Shaneiferd said...

All of this happened in the first episode? I really want to watch this now just so I can laugh at her suffering. Welcome to reality, kid. There is more to the world than straight white people and the occasional dead moose.