Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Romney Takes New Hampshire and No one is Surprised.

graphic from CNN.com
Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire primary. Holy shit! Is everyone as thoroughly not surprised as I am? I mean, what's not to love about about that sexy, salt-and-pepper bastard, besides his horrible politics, of course.

But that's not the point. Romney won. No one is shocked. Ron Paul came in second, mainly because he reminds everyone of their kooky grandpa who wants to legalize heroin. But what I'm really excited about is that my favorite, evangelical bigot came in next to last.

Yep, Rick Santorum was all smug from his second-place finish in Iowa. He had that shit-eating grin on his face, like he just jacked-off on a gay, illegal immigrant. But now he is last only to Rick Perry, and Perry is still trying to figure out where "Old Hampshire" is, so it's really not saying much.

Now, I know what you might be saying, "Allie, New Hampshire is a more moderate-voting state, Santorum might come back in South Carolina" and to that I say, "Fuck off, let me have this!"

Listen, I hate Rick Santorum. It is an intense, fiery hatred. The fact that he is still in this race makes me more angry than a tea-party member at an interracial wedding. So any defeat, no matter how expected makes me feel better. And while I know that there's not really a chance in hell that he will win this nomination, and my disdain may be better suited towards one of the more eligible candidates. I just can't help it. Until he is out of this race, I will continue to focus on Mr. Google Problem.

So suck it, Santorum. No matter how many primaries you place in, you're top billing will always be "the dude who's name when googled means 'the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.'"

Now enjoy this video from the Colbert Report about Santorum's racist slip of the tongue.


The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

Ugh, I'm ashamed that Santorum was my state senator when I lived in PA. I did not vote for him, but apparently a bunch of other people did. Yuck. I don't think he has a chance, especially with that comment he made.

I'm smiling because Hunstman came in third. I'm a Democrat, but I think it would be cool if he won the primary. He's reasonable and intelligent (something you don't see much anymore in the Republican party).

L-Kat said...

I love you for a lot of reasons, but when you post about political topics, it's like you spew everything I have in my head. That's when I know it's true blog-love. I'm happy to see you're back and happy to hear your commentary on the debates. Keep them coming!

Heather Rose said...

I love that we share this mutual hatred of Santorum. I started googling jobs in Australia just in case he somehow gets the nomination and then somehow gets elected. It seemed safer than googling 'how to hire an assassin;' at least while at work.

Allie said...

Tsarita- I completely agree with you about Huntsman, but unfortunately I think his more moderate beliefs will ensure that he doesn't actually get the nomination.

L-Kat- Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy all my pissy, political commentary.

Heather- Don't you worry about how to hire an assassin if Santorum gets the nomination, I'll figure it out for all of us.

Kathy S said...

I love that clip. People always seem to forget about that little slip up.I was happy to see he didn't do well too.

MonsteRawr said...

Iowa wasn't all bad. Look at all the "Santorum Comes From Behind" headlines we got to laugh hysterically at!

Allie said...

Kathy- I know! The fact that the clip didn't cause more of a stir is beyond me.

Monster- Silver lining for sure!