Love your blog! Here's my sex question... how come I want to have sex with my doctor (female) and her office manager (also female). They both have large breasts--could that be it? Better yet, how can I make them want to have sex with me?
This is the first letter I have ever received at I'm Not Really a Barista that is so obviously set up. And to be honest, I'm flattered. I mean, someone took time out of their day to create a little scenario and to ask my advice on it. I think that means I've made it... and by made it, I mean, I'm still a barista and writing about sex on the internet. Success!!!
Moving on. So, Horny Nameless Male, I'm going to answer your question, because even if this is a fake letter, answering it will be good practice for my eventual job writing for Penthouse.
Now, HNM, I can't exactly tell you why you want to have sex with your doctor and her office manager. It could be because they remind you of your mom. It might be because they have a strong, lady musk that gets your boner juices flowing. But I can say, with 100 percent certainty, that it's not because they have large breasts! I mean, what kind of disgusting, pig of a man would only want to have sex with a woman because she has large breasts. What a terrifying world that would be!
Anyways, the reasons why you want to bang these medical professionals doesn't really matter. Well, at least not to me. I'm an unqualified sexual advisor, not an unqualified sexual therapist. I'm here to get you laid! And this is how you are going to do it!
First, you need to make a doctor's appointment. Then, you need to get these two busty broads in an examining room together, this should be relatively easy considering that women like to go places in groups. Once all of you are in there, let your doctor know that you are having an issue, a private issue. It's going to go a little like this:
You: So Doctor Juggs, I can't seem to control my sexual appetite! It seems like no matter how many women I bring to screaming orgasms. I can't get enough. It's almost like one woman isn't enough for me. <Make eye contact with Office Manager Huge Tits> Do you think there is anything you guys can do to help me?
At this time, the two women will look at one another, give the secret threesome nod, and start SexFest 2011.
Bing. Bang. Boom. You're making babies.
XOXO,
This is the first letter I have ever received at I'm Not Really a Barista that is so obviously set up. And to be honest, I'm flattered. I mean, someone took time out of their day to create a little scenario and to ask my advice on it. I think that means I've made it... and by made it, I mean, I'm still a barista and writing about sex on the internet. Success!!!
Moving on. So, Horny Nameless Male, I'm going to answer your question, because even if this is a fake letter, answering it will be good practice for my eventual job writing for Penthouse.
Now, HNM, I can't exactly tell you why you want to have sex with your doctor and her office manager. It could be because they remind you of your mom. It might be because they have a strong, lady musk that gets your boner juices flowing. But I can say, with 100 percent certainty, that it's not because they have large breasts! I mean, what kind of disgusting, pig of a man would only want to have sex with a woman because she has large breasts. What a terrifying world that would be!
Anyways, the reasons why you want to bang these medical professionals doesn't really matter. Well, at least not to me. I'm an unqualified sexual advisor, not an unqualified sexual therapist. I'm here to get you laid! And this is how you are going to do it!
First, you need to make a doctor's appointment. Then, you need to get these two busty broads in an examining room together, this should be relatively easy considering that women like to go places in groups. Once all of you are in there, let your doctor know that you are having an issue, a private issue. It's going to go a little like this:
You: So Doctor Juggs, I can't seem to control my sexual appetite! It seems like no matter how many women I bring to screaming orgasms. I can't get enough. It's almost like one woman isn't enough for me. <Make eye contact with Office Manager Huge Tits> Do you think there is anything you guys can do to help me?
At this time, the two women will look at one another, give the secret threesome nod, and start SexFest 2011.
Bing. Bang. Boom. You're making babies.
XOXO,
Allie
P.S. If after reading this you think, "Wow! That was the dumbest thing I've ever read." Write me at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!
16 comments:
Ah yes, the good ol' secret threesome nod.
If I may add to this:
Bring in an 80's style boom box. Go into the office, say your lines, so the nod, then put the boom box down.
Press 'play.'
Have 70's pornomusic queue'd up...
bow chick a wow wow....
Britt- Yes, the one they teach every girl in middle-school health class! Memories.....
Lost- perfect!!!
I'm pretty sure the reason he wants to have sex with them is because they have pussies.
The End
Monster- Now that's crazy talk!
What you missed out in your reply was :-
The handle bar moustache (it can be as fake as your writer)
A dodgy foreign accent – German or Dutch would probably work
A handheld camera to shoot this porn fantasy
Very cheesy lift elevator music
Sounds like someone has lived out a similar scenario...
You could totally use this post in your resume to Penthouse. Love it!
With so much in my heart i am here to express myself on how Dr.Sango saved my marriage from breaking up. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband was seeking for a divorce. So i have no option than to go to the internet to seek for solution to my problem it was there i came across Dr.Sango details and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring there relationship. I contact Dr.Sango and in less than 48 hours my husband cancelled the divorce papers. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr.Sango for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr.Sango contact information are via email on sangospelltemple@gmail.com
Just had a reading done by papa indianspell@hotmail.com , i liked that he called on time,i was nervous because i know he is honest and wont hold back anything and sometimes the truth hurts, he told me that i didnt need to be & i can be helped, all i sent was names birthdays & a pic , and soon as i answered he started telling me about my situation right away with me having to say , he knew about the parties involved with my problem, i only thought it was 1 but he was able to see a 2nd person & even described my rival to a T!!! he made me understand the reason why i didn’t have success with my target , simply because of an “ex” in my way ,what made me believe even more was that he was able to repeat word for word the reason my target and i aren’t together and that took the cake!, so what he suggested was that i get rid of that person then everything else can proceed & im hoping for success which i strongly believe i will have , i am so happy to find this man , he as truly my angel , he haven’t done nothing yet for me but i did order a separation spell & can’t wait to get started ,just got to keep the faith! i highly recommend him to anyone having love/relationship problems , the consultation is VERY IMPORTANT because it will guide you to the right spell that you need
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me..
My name is Andy Sowers,i live in Australia,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife.so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce.she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she didn't love me anymore.So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again.
So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife.So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{osobaspelltemple@gmail.com}.
So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster.
So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {osobaspelltemple@gmail.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back.
So thanks to the sobaspelltemple for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.
{osobaspelltemple@gmail.com},
Thanks...
Am Joyce Morgan After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@gmail.com
DO YOU NEED YOUR EX BACK? BECAREFUL........
NOW I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT MY LIFE BUT I HAVE FOLLOWED MOST OF THESE CRAPS AND GOT USED TO THEM. MOST OF THESE PEOPLE TELLING YOU BEWARE THIS BEWARE THAT ARE BUNCH OF CRAPS AND SCAMS. THE ONLY MAN YOU CAN ACTUALLY TRUST ON SPELL IS DR. OKIRIKA. I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIM RIGHT HERE TO THE STATES IF POSSIBLE. HE DID A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS WHICH I WON’T REALLY MENTION HERE BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT OF WHAT HE DID FOR ME WAS GETTING MY EX BACK WITH THE SUM OF $170. HE IS GREAT AND I MET THROUGH MRS. ELLA JENKINS ON A VOY COMMENT FORUM THAT HE HELPED HIM. JUST AS EVERY OTHER PERSON HAS TESTIFIED. NOW I AM ALSO A PARTAKER OF HIS GREATNESS AND TRUTHFULNESS, AND A VERY GOOD SPELL CASTER. I’M STILL VERY MUCH INDEBTED TO DR. OKIRIKA FOR SAVING MY LIFE AND MY MARRIAGE. I WANT TO LET YA ALL KNOW THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO TRY ANYBODY ELSE EXCEPT THIS DUDE. HIS EMAIL CONTACT IS { Okirikaspiritualhindustemple@gmail.com }
Life is good when you have your love ones around you, I am saying this because when i had issues with my lover i never seen life as a good thing but thanks to Dr. AGBAZARA of AGBAZARA TEMPLE, for helping me to cast a spell that brought my lover back to me within the space of 48hours. My husband left me for another woman after 7YEARS of marriage,but Dr.AGBAZARA help me cast a spell that brought him back to me within 48hours. I am not going to tell you more details about myself rather i will only advise those who are having issues in there relationship or marriages to contact Dr.AGBAZARA TEMPLE through these details via;
(agbazara@gmail.com) or call him on (+2348104102662).
I am just another person that as i would say, the ' GREAT SPELL CASTER OTIS DARKO ' has helped word can not describe all he did for me i would rather you all that would read this were all in my life when all what he did for me materialized because only then will you really believe what i am talking about. I was not born with a royal blood and i do not even come from a decent family by decent i mean a family with wealth and all that and it was more than normal that my relationship with a royal blood will cause a lot of feud in both my home and that of my fiance. Yes he from a royal family but i will not mentions anything else in other to avoid scandal. We meant on a faithful Sunday in church and just like that he swept me off my feet i knew he was the prince but that was not while i fell for him it was more like i fell for him because he seem calm and always at else with everything it was like he did not even see himself as a prince. May be you may think its because it was not next in line but when i got to really know him, i saw that he was just an unembellished person that wanted to live his life in peace. It all start with us being friend and then on every night of Christmas 2004 that he spent at my house he kissed me and believe me in my mind i was Cinderella. It was like my heart was going to burst in flame i never knew i had all those feelings locked away in my heart but he broke the chain that was holding it back with just one kiss. Even when he wanted to be with me he family was again it and it was always like i was the root of what ever problem he was going through with his family. I thought to myself, i can not be the one to take the peace he had i felt he was better and at else without me. We where always of and on and all the while he waited for me with the biggest of hope that i will come back. I knew he was madly in love with me as i was in love with him but being with him was a problem as much as not being with him. His family won't let him be with with me. They opposed our relationship for nine years we where in love but unhappy our relationship was going no where with all the feud. I could no longer be the one an entire family hate and the same time be in love with a guy that his family did not want me. I some how some way got to know about OTIS DARKO a spell cast a great one at that. All i want was to be with my now fiance forever and to be loved and cared for by his family just as it suppose to be. I asked him to help me make my heart desires materialize because i saw a lot of testimonies on the internet about him and the number of people he helped everybody and every blog and forum had his name and his work. I needed to be one of the people he helped. After a lot of conversation he agreed to help me and asked that i get some materials he listed for me. I could get them but i would have made too many people ask question and it needed to be done in a very low profile so i wired the total cost to him so that he can get the materials i needed for the spell and there by avoid exposing myself over what should have be done in secret until the spell process was completed. Yes OTIS DARKO helped me with he spell and he send me a package containing what i can not disclose all i can say is that it was the result of the spell he helped me cast and he gave instruction on how i would use it to make the spell effective. I did all he asked of me and just like he promise me at the beginning, the spell made my fiance entire family love respect and treat me like their own child. To me i would say that OTIS DARKO was my fairy godmother because maybe right now my life would have be miserable basically because i would have had to let go of the love of my life because no one or more like his family would not approve our union. Contact OTIS DARKO because you will only be helping yourself and yourself only use this email as contact otisdarko60@yahoo.com......YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136
COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON TO ALL AND MAY THIS SEASON BRING JOY AND HAPPINESS UPON YOUR FAMILY AND ALSO BRINGS ABOUT FAMILY REUNION AND RESTORATION...... My Name is Alan Pratte, From USA. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr OTIS DARKO has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex WIFE to me with his great spell, I was married to this woman called Sharon we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to make her pregnant for me and also give her al she needs she left me and told me she can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get her back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email: otisdarko60@yahoo.com then you won't believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost WIFE back, and after a month she became pregnant for me because he gave me some herbs to take also and when she went for a test and the result stated that she was pregnant am happy today am a FATHER of a baby girl, thank you once again the great DR OTIS DARKO for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child/PREGNANCY SPELL.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
(10)Stop Divorce
(11) CURE TO ALL KIND OF SICKNESS/DISEASES HERE
(12) Winning of lottery
(13) Cure To Hiv/Aids
(14) LOTTERY/LOTTO SPELL WINNING
(15) CURE TO HERPES AND ANY OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES AT ALL...
(16) HAVE YOU BEEN SCAMMED BEFORE AND NEEDS TO RECOVER ALL THE DOLLARS/MONEY YOU LOST TO THESE FRAUDSTER ???.. CONTACT OTIS DARKO AS HE HELPED MY FRIEND CALLED WILLIANSM FROM USA TO RECOVER BACK THE SUM OF $300,000.00 DOLLARS HE LOST TO SCAMMERS ONLINE
Email... otisdarko60@yahoo.com...... YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136
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