Love your blog! Here's my sex question... how come I want to have sex with my doctor (female) and her office manager (also female). They both have large breasts--could that be it? Better yet, how can I make them want to have sex with me?
This is the first letter I have ever received at I'm Not Really a Barista that is so obviously set up. And to be honest, I'm flattered. I mean, someone took time out of their day to create a little scenario and to ask my advice on it. I think that means I've made it... and by made it, I mean, I'm still a barista and writing about sex on the internet. Success!!!
Moving on. So, Horny Nameless Male, I'm going to answer your question, because even if this is a fake letter, answering it will be good practice for my eventual job writing for Penthouse.
Now, HNM, I can't exactly tell you why you want to have sex with your doctor and her office manager. It could be because they remind you of your mom. It might be because they have a strong, lady musk that gets your boner juices flowing. But I can say, with 100 percent certainty, that it's not because they have large breasts! I mean, what kind of disgusting, pig of a man would only want to have sex with a woman because she has large breasts. What a terrifying world that would be!
Anyways, the reasons why you want to bang these medical professionals doesn't really matter. Well, at least not to me. I'm an unqualified sexual advisor, not an unqualified sexual therapist. I'm here to get you laid! And this is how you are going to do it!
First, you need to make a doctor's appointment. Then, you need to get these two busty broads in an examining room together, this should be relatively easy considering that women like to go places in groups. Once all of you are in there, let your doctor know that you are having an issue, a private issue. It's going to go a little like this:
You: So Doctor Juggs, I can't seem to control my sexual appetite! It seems like no matter how many women I bring to screaming orgasms. I can't get enough. It's almost like one woman isn't enough for me. <Make eye contact with Office Manager Huge Tits> Do you think there is anything you guys can do to help me?
At this time, the two women will look at one another, give the secret threesome nod, and start SexFest 2011.
Bing. Bang. Boom. You're making babies.
XOXO,
This is the first letter I have ever received at I'm Not Really a Barista that is so obviously set up. And to be honest, I'm flattered. I mean, someone took time out of their day to create a little scenario and to ask my advice on it. I think that means I've made it... and by made it, I mean, I'm still a barista and writing about sex on the internet. Success!!!
Moving on. So, Horny Nameless Male, I'm going to answer your question, because even if this is a fake letter, answering it will be good practice for my eventual job writing for Penthouse.
Now, HNM, I can't exactly tell you why you want to have sex with your doctor and her office manager. It could be because they remind you of your mom. It might be because they have a strong, lady musk that gets your boner juices flowing. But I can say, with 100 percent certainty, that it's not because they have large breasts! I mean, what kind of disgusting, pig of a man would only want to have sex with a woman because she has large breasts. What a terrifying world that would be!
Anyways, the reasons why you want to bang these medical professionals doesn't really matter. Well, at least not to me. I'm an unqualified sexual advisor, not an unqualified sexual therapist. I'm here to get you laid! And this is how you are going to do it!
First, you need to make a doctor's appointment. Then, you need to get these two busty broads in an examining room together, this should be relatively easy considering that women like to go places in groups. Once all of you are in there, let your doctor know that you are having an issue, a private issue. It's going to go a little like this:
You: So Doctor Juggs, I can't seem to control my sexual appetite! It seems like no matter how many women I bring to screaming orgasms. I can't get enough. It's almost like one woman isn't enough for me. <Make eye contact with Office Manager Huge Tits> Do you think there is anything you guys can do to help me?
At this time, the two women will look at one another, give the secret threesome nod, and start SexFest 2011.
Bing. Bang. Boom. You're making babies.
XOXO,
Allie
P.S. If after reading this you think, "Wow! That was the dumbest thing I've ever read." Write me at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!
8 comments:
Ah yes, the good ol' secret threesome nod.
If I may add to this:
Bring in an 80's style boom box. Go into the office, say your lines, so the nod, then put the boom box down.
Press 'play.'
Have 70's pornomusic queue'd up...
bow chick a wow wow....
Britt- Yes, the one they teach every girl in middle-school health class! Memories.....
Lost- perfect!!!
I'm pretty sure the reason he wants to have sex with them is because they have pussies.
The End
Monster- Now that's crazy talk!
What you missed out in your reply was :-
The handle bar moustache (it can be as fake as your writer)
A dodgy foreign accent – German or Dutch would probably work
A handheld camera to shoot this porn fantasy
Very cheesy lift elevator music
Sounds like someone has lived out a similar scenario...
You could totally use this post in your resume to Penthouse. Love it!
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