Tuesday, November 1, 2011

You're kidding me, right? Part II

Meet Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. This is her second book. She is also a New York Times Bestselling Author. I just thought everyone participating in #NaNoWriMo should know that this is what you are up against. 

I'm going to go do some research on law school and cry for a little while.


~RoB said...

This is my first NaNoWriMo. I'm not a great writer, but I wanted a challenge. I've been freaking out for 3 days, and this is truly the first thing that settled me down. If she can, I can probably write a bestseller without even being punched in the face.

Rebeka said...

Law School research used to make me cry too (haha JK I know what you meant). And then I got to law school and realized it's a million times worse once you get here. Don't do it ;) - but seriously, don't do it.

Ally Gregory said...

What's offensive about this is that you know that she doesn't even read books.

Allie said...

Rob- I'm glad this helped you calm down some and good luck!

Rebeka- I had a feeling that it would be awful. People keep telling me to go, but I'd rather read Snooki's book.

Ally- Lol, true. Hell, I'd be surprised if she could read.

Woody said...

The sad part is, she will probably make more money from this book than you or I will in years of actual work. Then again, she truly deserves it, right?? /sarcasm.

Allie said...

Woody- That's where the uncontrollable crying comes in.

BlackLOG said...

I had no idea what a Guidette was so I had to look up the Urban Dictionary


The female counterpart to the guido*. Usually moderately attractive, with nice fake titts but in desperate need of a nose job. Her voice and personality are so repulsive that only incredibly desperate white males or other guidos/guidettes will listen to her.

She is a mammoth whore, the only type of woman that a guido won't date rape because he doesnt have to. Usually have anywhere between 3 ad 8 STD's, and the super STD chlapmydia is common among the older or more whorish kind. Some of them look like post-op trannies.
"I totally hooked up with (insert italian name) last night"


A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

Oh you mean it’s the US version of a Chav**

** CHAV - Sub species of human

Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.

Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.

Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control.

No Wonder you guys have guns freely available - Sounds like you need to amend the Constitution

The right to bear arms*** and freedom (possibly should be duty) to shoot Quidos/Quidettes on sight

– good hunting....

*** To make it a fair fight I always felt you should arm bears

Summer Breeze said...

this is what has become of our society... and sadly, it gets encouraged... and people watch it... and buy their books. its terrible really. rather then tell these people they are idiots, we pay them to look like idiots and make society think its ok to be this way.

Britt said...

This is EXTREMELY unsettling.
How is this her SECOND book? The world is fucked.

MonsteRawr said...

Does anyone else feel like her picture on that book cover makes her look like a child prostitute? Like, I almost feel dirty for looking at her picture.

Allie said...

BlackLOG- I think it's time we put our Guidos and your Chavs into cage for a fight to the death.

Utohhh... I think an idea for the greatest reality show ever was just spawned.

Summer- I would pay you to tell those people they look like idiots.

I'm going to have to pay you in lattes though. Hope that's cool.

Britt- I'm pretty sure it's the end of times.

MonsterRawr- I think that's the look she's going for. Overly-tan child prostitute.

Thank_Q said...

Seeing this pretty much makes me want to stab my eyes out and never blog again. I guess it just goes to show that you can use money to promote yourself to achieve anything. It's not like she's talented or anything. She just has enough of a following from her show to sell some books to people who I question if they can even read.