Friday, November 18, 2011

Help! My Friend Wants an Orgasm

Cut to the chase someone asked me:

I have never had an orgasm and was wondering how I can have a great one! I am down for anything.

I couldn't answer this, so I thought I would ask the next best person. Save me from giving bad sex advice.


It's been a couple weeks since I've received an email at I'm Not Really a Barista, and I was starting to think you guys didn't think my unqualified sex advice was good enough. 

But finally, an email, ahh sweet validation. So I'm going to make sure that this is the best advice I've ever given. Even better than that time I told Roberto Arango to show his asshole on Grindr

Okay, no named person, your friend wants to have an amazing first orgasm, but I'm curious is she wanting to have this orgasm with another person or by herself? If it's the latter than I suggest you tell your friend to find some stimulation, whether that be sexual fantasies/erotica/pornography/Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog, just something that incites some sense of arousal and do some southern-hemisphere exploring. 

Depending on your friends level of comfort/knowledge of her body this may take time. It may not be something that happens the first time, but it will eventually happen.

Or you could just buy her this.

Now, if your friend is hoping to achieve an orgasm with a partner, well, that might be a little bit trickier. Hopefully, her chosen partner is not a graduate of the Jackhammer School of Sex or the "I couldn't find your clitoris with a GPS" School of Oral Sex. I would suggest that your friend basically do the same thing with her partner that she would do alone, masturbate with a couple extra hands. This is because a person who is not sure how to get their body to climax will probably face frustration if they leave their orgasm completely up to another person. You got to walk before you run. 

Or her partner could just use this.


P.S. If after reading this you think, "Wow sex is really confusing!" Write me at or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!


MonsteRawr said...

I would heavily recommend that she make sure she explores solo before she finds a dance partner. There's nothing more awkward than several months into the dance giving yourself your REAL first orgasm and having to have that conversation that goes, " know how you've been giving me what I thought were mind-blowing orgasms for three months now? Yeah, we need to start over."

Allie said...

Lol I 100 % agree!!! You have to know your own lesson plan before you can expect to teach a class.

Miss Lego said...

LOL this for real? well I don't blame her.

Allie said...

Lol It's real! I'm always surprised that people send me questions like this, but it makes me thankful for all my awesome readers!

Ally Gregory said...

This post made me sad. I want to give that girl a hug. She has been living a deprived existence. said...

This was my girlfriend, before we got together.

Want to know how I finally got her to climax?

I turned off her brain.

A lot of times, an orgasm is more mental than physical. She couldn't give one to herself because she was concentrating on it too hard.

I put in about 3 months of work before I finally got her to pop. Now it's easy peasy. Just get your friend to relax, turn the mind off, and let a partner do the work for you. Lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Allie said...

Ally- She definitely needs hug... with a happy ending.

Lost- I think you have a great point. So much of orgasms involve being in the right mind frame.