Sunday, November 6, 2011

Suck on it MILFS! I'm a BILF!

I've gotten a few awards in the past from wonderful people, who say kind things and make me feel good about myself in a way that my parents never could.

Although, typically I don't do the whole award-ceremony stuff, because, well, usually I talk about politicians screwing hookers or people eager for anal, and the kind of sentimentality I begin to feel when someone gives me an award just doesn't belong on the pages of this blog. I don't want to lose my street cred.

However, all that changed when the lovely gentleman at Thank Q presented me with the BILF Award (Blogger I'd like to Flog... Oh wait, I guess it's actually Fuck. Am I the only one into flogging?) 

This award is perfect for me, because I enjoy being sexually objectified, and I DOUBLE LOVE sexually objectifying others. So let the nominations begin.

Bloggers I'd Like to Fuck or Flog... or Maybe Just Cuddle and Watch "The Notebook" With
  • BlackLOG- One of my most loyal and most hilarious commenters. This kind of attention to detail makes him incredibly BILF-y. I would marry him for approximately 72 days.
  • When Life Gives You Vodka- Gabs puts the HOT in hot mess, and she may or may not be my internet soulmate. I would spoon the shit out of her.
  • In Review: Stuff and Things- Charles and I have a Twitter romance. He is also is really into peace and love, which goes to show that opposites attract. I would hate-fuck him.
  • Khaki, Not Cocky- Hello gorgeous. Nhya is beautiful and a great writer. I would make her my famous chocolate-chip cookies and hold her hand like it was going out of style. 
  • Oh Noa- I owe over half of my pageviews to her. She's hysterical and a blogging beast. I would be her leather-clad gimp.
  • A Beer for the Shower- I possibly love these men more than my boyfriend, mainly because he is not nearly as creative with MS Paint. I would let them "Boy. Boy. Girl." me. Then we'd have a beer in the shower.
So there you go. I'm a BILF. The bloggers above are BILFS. And all of my readers are RILFS. 

You all wanna, like, meet up somewhere, take some Ecstasy, and see what happens? 

No? Okay, I'll just go watch "The Notebook" then.


Thank_Q said...

You did the award justice! When I received it, I didn't know what to say/do either. LOL! I didn't want to take "blog stalking" to another level, you know.

I'm kind of new to your blog, but I absolutely love it! Keep it up.

Allie said...

Thanks! You've been so great. I really appreciate all the kind words.

And this award is perfect for me because I enjoy being creepy like it's my pastime.

Gabs said...

Can we just have sex already? This tension is getting a little ridiculous. You're fabulous.

the Tsaritsa said...

I like flogging :) Congrats on the award!

Carrymel said...

You're gunna bake me cookies and hold the sh*t out of my hand? I'd love that. That's pretty much my perfect idea of foreplay :)

Thank you so much for the award, hunnie! And congrats on you getting it! I need to check out these other people you nominated because if you like them, I know I will.

BlackLOG said...

BlackLOG- One of my most loyal and most hilarious commenters. This kind of attention to detail makes him incredibly BILF-y. I would marry him for approximately 72 days

Allie, having stalked you for a number of months now and feeling I really know you (planting those little spy camera’s around your blog has proved very insightful) I feel qualified to say that our marriage would not make it beyond “69” days (#) and talk about coincidence, checking my calendar, I have just such a gap available in my Schedule early next year – Mrs B is due a very well earned 3 month break from me.

As for the choices flog, fuck or watching the Notebook – since we have 69 days why restrict ourselves to just one of the activities. In fact we could push the boat out a bit and try doing all three at once (not exactly the threesome you were dreaming of but it’s a start). If you are open to requests I’m fucking dying to try Necrophilia - that is the one where you get to flog a dead horse isn’t it? Which is a lot like trying to get you to comment on the B
lackLOG young lady.

(#) Being English my most endearing qualities :-

• Bad teeth
• constant need to apologise for everything (if I’m honest mostly about our weather, sorry about that ....see I can’t stop myself )
• hot chocolate stains on the bed sheets
• White socks and sandal combination – known to drive blind women crazy with sexual desire.
• Generically programmed to stop in the middle of sex for a cup of Tea and Muffin (sadly not a sexual activity, even when associated with a mule)
• Having you join me in every queue we pass....

Would eventually wear you down (yes I know you could get a bigger dildo but what would you do with the old one? No wait don’t answer that, it would probably only end up being a pain in my backside)

A Beer for the Shower said...

Aww yeeah. Cue the sexy time 70's porno music and bust out the dong sideburns. Because it's business time. Thanks for the lovin'! And thanks for being so damn funny. Looking forward to reading your tweets!

Allie said...

Gabs- You let me know when we can skype bone.

And thank you!!!!

Tsarita- I knew I liked you! Floggers unite!

Carrymel- Lol mine too! I'm easily seduced by baked goods.

And you should. These people are awesome!

BlackLOG- Tell Mrs. B she can gladly join. I'm looking for a sister wife.

And don't you temp me with a good time. The Notebook is my lady porn and I will gladly beat the shit out of you while we watch it. And a mid-sex muffin break sounds incredible.

This marriage may last forever.

Beer- Dong sideburns? Awww shit yeah. It's about to go down.

Killer Cupcake said...

That is the best award ever. EVER. I am sick with envy.

Allie said...

KillerCupcake- I know! I was pretty proud to be its recipient.