Tuesday, November 22, 2011

12:01 a.m. is technically still "Black Friday," so STFU!

It's that time, guys. Time for food, family, and shopping yourself into irrevocable post-holiday debt starting at midnight Thanksgiving night.

That is, unless "Black Thursday" protesters have anything to do about it. Target employees are not too thrilled of the new opening time for "Black Friday" shopping, which is 12:01 a.m., meaning that many employees will have to show up at 11 p.m. to ensure that the store is ready for that crazy bitch in the red tracksuit from the Target commercials. And they are pissed!

Employees flooded the Target headquarters with petitions asking the retailer to "Save Thanksgiving" by pushing the opening hours back, ensuring that they get a full day off for the holiday.

And to that I have to say, "Boo-fucking-Hoo!"

I feel no sympathy for Target protesters. You know why?

Well, yes, I do love the idea of scoring discounted DVDs after I have a late-night turkey sandwich, but besides that, the coffee corporation for which I am an employee has their stores open on Thanksgiving!

Yep, on the actual holiday baristas are scheduled to make handcrafted beverages for people with four-day weekends. We miss the Parade. The smell of the turkey cooking. The beginning of football. Just so people can get their caffeine fix before going to the houses of relatives they only see once a year.

Basically we're fucking saints. And do you hear us bitching (besides right now)? No! Because it's called customer service. You service the mother-fucking customer and customers tend to be off on holidays, and they're just aching to be serviced by us.

So sorry, Target Timmy, sometimes you got to do shit you don't want to do. Do you think ER doctors are super stoked that they have to work because dumbasses catch themselves on fire while trying to deep-fry turkeys? My guess is no. The same way baristas don't like missing Snoopy float through the NYC sky like some kind of helium-inflated angel because someone is just dying for a caramel macchiato.

But you deal with it, because there are more important things to worry about than whether or not you get a full 24 hours off, like feline AIDS or Michele Bachmann winning the Republican nomination.

You want to protest, Target Timmy? Protest that shit.


Ally Gregory said...

I concur. My bar will be open on Thanksgiving because people need to get drunk after dealing with their families.

"Save Thanksgiving"

Do you mean "Save the day we gave the Indians small pox" day?

Seriously, sorry that you don't get to gorge your face a couple extra hours Tubby Timmy. How about you go and complain to someone standing in the unemployment line?

Heather Rose said...

As one of those bitches who will be cheerfully waiting in line for an hour (because that means an hour less with the future in-laws) to get a caramel macchiato (or more likely a pumpkin spice latte, because damn those things are good) - thank you!

Atticus Finch said...

"Do you think ER doctors are super stoked that they have to work because dumbasses catch themselves on fire while trying to deep-fry turkeys?" That is funny because it's true.

Great post.

Allie said...

Ally- I love it! I think anyone starts bringing up this "Save Thanksgiving" shit we should bring up the Indians.

Oh, I bet Tonto would have loved this day of thanks off as well... ohhh wait.

Heather-Thank you Heather. It's my pleasure to serve cool ass folks like you.

And you're right, they are DELICIOUS!

Atticus- Thanks! I want to find out exactly how many people catch themselves on fire in fry-related accidents today.

Gabs said...

They're all fucking obese. P.S. I love that you used that blonde bitch from the Target commercials, she's hilarious.

PAPS said...

Wow it is so funny. Yes it is a bummer to work on holidays. Believe me I know the feeling. I used to do it all the time and hated it. Following you. Hope you can visit me and see whether you like to do the same. Thanks

Kathy S said...

I definitely agree with you. So many people who work in stores have been going into work on Thanksgiving for Black Friday for years. They can too.

camerabanger said...

Totally disagree. I think no-fucking-body should work on Thanksgiving. Everyone (including the Indians-or 'native Americans' who are left) should have the day off and get drunk and eat until they puke and spend time with their grandkids and friends and show up for work on Friday if they can get the fog out of their heads.

Black Friday is another greeting card invention like Grandma day or Halloweeny.

ps. the bitch in red from the target commercials is an enemy of the people.

Liz Taylor said...


Wicked Opinion said...

What a bunch of fucking whiners! Be happy that you HAVE a job, you Target bitches, and also that it will be so damn busy that the day will fly by. Does no one understand the term WORK anymore?

And thank you, coffee making, Snoopy missing people. It is because of you that I don't have to kill my relatives with their stupid Keurig. That is NOT coffee, thanks for offering me some diarrhea juice that smells vaguely of plastic. I love you too.

MonsteRawr said...

Fucking thank you!

Granted, I don't have to work Thanksgiving or Christmas, mostly because no one wants to go see shows on Thanksgiving or Christmas. But New Years Eve? Yup. Halloween? You got it. Every fucking Easter ever? You bet your bunny ass I do! But you don't hear me protesting about it, because I'm just grateful to have a goddamn job.

So shove it, Tammy. No one cares.

Shane Pilgrim said...

Agreed! Nobody likes to work Thanksgiving or Christmas, so I give you props for powering through the holidays like a champ. These protesters blow my mind. Don't get me wrong, I hate Black Friday because it embodies everything that is wrong about America, but I don't think that Thanksgiving needs to be "saved". I like that my Wal-Mart opened at midnight. I got some cheap Blu-Rays to celebrate Thanksgiving.