Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Santorum: A Frothy Failure in Michigan

Anyone ever give themselves a concussion?

No? Just me. Alright, well I feel like a real asshole right now.

So I've been MIA lately after my night stand went all Chris Brown on me. I wanted to figure out a way to literally blame it on Chris Brown, but I hear he's fist deep in his own problems.

Speaking of problems, I'm back just in time to watch Mitt "magic underoos" Romney fuck up Rick "frothy mix" Santorum's life, and while nothing is official at this time, it seems like Romney will take Michigan.

Now, I don't like Romney, but my hatred for Santorum is so deep it cannot be fully expressed without a machete and some type of interpretive dance. So basically, any loss for him is a direct win for me.

I'm hoping the string of disappointments will send him spiraling into the arms of some man he met on Craigslist.

One can only hope that man has an exhibitionist streak, a videocamera and is Chris Brown.

6 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Do you know why I absolutely adore Santorum?

He loses Michigan tonight. And Arizona. And what does the lil bastard do? Calls for Romney to concede.

He's a cross between the Black Knight from Monty Python and Sir Didamus from Labyrinth. He's so jaded, it's awesome!

MonsteRawr said...

Nah, in Santormia he's already the president. He's picking out brown velvet curtains for the Oval Office as we speak.

Amy @Coffee Tuesdays said...

Does this mean you're going to start collaborating with your night stand to record remixes of pop songs about baked goods? Because I would buy that album.

Allie said...

Lost- I loved that he was calling for Romney to concede. If his insanity wasn't so popular I'd love him too.

Monster- Lol Ahh, Santormia, the happiest place on Earth. It's kinda like 1950s America but with more sweatervests.

Amy- I was hoping someone would ask me that, and the answer is YES!

blissflower1969 said...

"my hatred for Santorum is so deep it cannot be fully expressed without a machete and some type of interpretive dance" is the best line ever.

Allie said...

Thanks, Blissflower! I'm still working on that hate-filled interpretive dance.