TLC, the channel responsible for all your learning needs, is debuting a one-hour special that has 'hot new series' written all over it.
My Five Wives follows the life of Brady Williams, a Utah polygamist, his five wives, and his 24 children. Williams and his wives practice polygamy, despite being shunned by their church and community.
Yep, even the Mormons thinks this shit is a little excessive.
The premise sounds a whole lot like Sister Wives, which if you're not familiar with Sister Wives click here (you probably also have a worthwhile life and don't need terrible reality television to fill the hole inside of you). But it's better, because instead of four wives--there's FIVE!
Every time I see a show about some dude with, like, 10 wives, I can't help but wonder what kinda voodoo, black magic is this bastard dappling in? It's the only explanation, because it's always some man who you're pretty shocked has one wife.
How did he pull this shit off? What did the conversation sound like?
Okay ladies, I understand I'm a slightly balding Mormon of average wealth and body type, but I think y'all should let me routinely bang each and every one of you. In return, you'll get to bare and raise about two dozen of my children
Oh, and there might be a TLC show.
Do these bitches not know how to negotiate?
I mean, Honey Boo Boo got her own show and all she had to do was represent a cultural stereotype and say stuff like "a dolla make me holla".
Shit, girl, a dollar makes me holler, too. You have a valid point.
I just don't understand. I can think of no man that is awesome enough to make me live with four other women and blow out my vagina. It's like a really fucked-up sorority.
Oh, and have you never heard of birth control, Brady? You're not in the Mormon church anymore, can you not pull out? Even that '19 Kids and Counting'
woman thinks you're being a bit ridiculous. When the Earth is overpopulated to the point where I can't get quality kale for my green smoothies, I'm coming to your motherfucking house. Believe that.
Here's hoping, that TLC decides that My Five Wives is not a good fit amongst its high-brow programming. Mainly, because I don't want my boyfriend to get any ideas.
My Five Wives airs tonight at 9/8c. And Breaking Bad airs on AMC at the same time.
Somehow the show about Meth seems less detrimental to society. Your call.