Friday, September 6, 2013

Rorie Gilmore: The Only Thing That Could Make Me Watch 50 Shades of Grey.

I don't give a shit about 50 Shades of Grey. I just don't care about some hot ass billionaire beating the hell out of his virgin assistant.

If someone gave me dental insurance and I didn't have to make coffee anymore, they could do whatever they wanted to me. That's not called BDSM. That's called being a college graduate in the year 2013.

But moving on. I know the whole entire internet exploded because they picked the characters for the 50 Shades movie and they weren't attractive/homely/brooding/brunette/fictional enough for the fans of the series. There's even a petition.

These sex-starved soccer moms sure are picky, y'all.

I thought the actors cast looked just fine for a movie that will undoubtedly rake in millions and make PeeWee Herman feel less weird about masturbating in a theater that one time.

That was until I realized who exactly fans were petitioning to get cast in the film.

Wait!!! They want to cast Rorie Gilmore in the horrible sex movie?


If you don't know about Gilmore Girls you can escort yourself off this post now, there's a post about twerking a couple days back that might interest you.

Oh Em Gee! Where can I sign this petition? The only thing that might get me to watch this awful shit storm of a movie is the hope that I can watch Stars Hollow's own Rorie Gilmore getting paddled by the stripper from Magic Mike.

Hell, if they got Jess to play Christian Grey, I would fund this fucking movie myself. It's like my high school wet dream. 

For those of you that can't tell, I have an unhealthy obsession with the show Gilmore Girls, and it would make my whole entire life to have this fantasy realized.

I know some of you are thinking, if you love the show and one of it's main actresses so much why would you want her subjected to a movie that would more than likely be this decade's Showgirls?

Well, I might say, Ms. Bledel's Gilmore money may be drying up, and horny middle-aged women's money is still green.

However, that would be a lie.

I'm actually just a pervert, who loves the idea of my favorite TV character having semi-kinky sex on screen. And if that makes me wrong, then I just don't want to be right.

I know I can't be alone. Who would reconsider watching this full-length porn movie if their favorite TV character was cast in the lead? 

Michael Scott as Christian Grey, anyone?

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