Monday, August 6, 2012

[Not So] Poor Little Tink Tink

I love the Olympics.

Not because I'm athletic. Or patriotic. Or enjoy watching people live out their dreams.

No, I mainly watch because male swimmers have a Viagra-like effect on me. I would literally let Michael Phelps R. Kelly on me while Ryan Lochte did some Rex Ryan shit with a camera. (For anyone unfamiliar with those two events, R. Kelly famously urinated on a girl and Rex Ryan shot foot fetish clips featuring his wife. Moving on.)

Well, that was my old reasoning.

Has anyone seen Oscar Pistorius? The first double-amputee to compete in the Olympic games. Yeah, the mother-fucker with no legs who runs like a beautiful gazelle with boomarang feet.

I watched Pistorius run the 400 meter last night and it was easily the most inspiring event I've ever witnessed. I immediately started questioning my own abilities, looking down at my fully-functioning legs, and realizing that I can never bitch about anything again. Ever.

I'm running my first race in September and have been struggling with the frequency of my runs-- dragging myself out of bed, lacing up my sneakers, and eagerly awaiting the end of each session.

"I'd rather be dead," I think, pounding away on the treadmill. "I would rather vote a straight Republican ticket than run for one more minute."

But then I watched Pistorius, and something changed. Running hasn't quite become fun, but I am thankful that I can do it.

Damn you, Olympics. Your inspirational framing of athletes got to me. But that doesn't mean I'll stop wanting to sleep with Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps, it just means I'll want to throw Oscar Pistorius in the mix, as well.

Side Note: Comedian Katt Williams has a hysterical bit about Pistorius. If you've never watched "Poor Little Tink Tink" stop what you're doing and hit play.

8 comments:

Ally Gregory-Moore said...

Two things.

I am gay but I would let michael phelps do all sorts of dirty things to me.

Every time I see Pistorius I yell ' tink tink' at the screen.

Cassie @ WittyTitleHere.com said...

Yeah, it was amazing the other day how, when I tuned in to the Olympics rather than HGTV whilst running on the treadmill, I actually felt motivated to keep running. Nothing like a double-amputee to remind you that you've got it pretty good with your two legs.

Lorraine said...

I heard someone telling the story of Pistorius totally seriously and I yelled, "POOR LITTLE TINK TINK" at them and got funny stares.

Thank God the Internet understands.

L-Kat said...

Screw the Olympics for being inspirational! They are meant to be soft porn, obv. This Pistorius guy is making the Olympics less about hard ons and more about hard work. :)

Good luck on your race in September!

Allie said...

Ally- Ahhh, Michael Phelps. God, I love him.

And I'm glad I'm not alone. I literally did not know his name until I googled it before this post. He'll always be Tink Tink to me.

Cassie- Exactly! That double-amputee had me feeling like a slacker!

Lorraine- What?! How does anyone not know about poor little Tink Tink. It's your duty as an American to enlighten them.

L-Kat- Exactly! I don't need 50 Shades of Grey. I need Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte giving each other a bro hug after a race! Delicious!

And to be honest, for a double-amputee, Pistorius is pretty hot.

And thank you! I think I might need it lol

MonsteRawr said...

I'm sorry, I'm still thinking about Michael Phelps and his delicious abs. Seriously, it's not fair.

What I think meant the most to me about watching Pistorius was the respect he earned from the other runners. That speaks so much to me.

Shaneiferd said...

Wow...well, I decided to skip going to the gym today because I felt lazy. But I guess this really puts things in perspective. Haha

On a side note, I can't tell if Katt Williams shirt is glittery or if those are sweat droplets collecting on his clothes like condensation.

MAD SHADY GIRL said...

I can't believe I never saw this video before today. *tink tink tink tink* haha!! Totally made my day. Thank you for posting it.