Not because I'm athletic. Or patriotic. Or enjoy watching people live out their dreams.
No, I mainly watch because male swimmers have a Viagra-like effect on me. I would literally let Michael Phelps R. Kelly on me while Ryan Lochte did some Rex Ryan shit with a camera. (For anyone unfamiliar with those two events, R. Kelly famously urinated on a girl and Rex Ryan shot foot fetish clips featuring his wife. Moving on.)
Well, that was my old reasoning.
Has anyone seen Oscar Pistorius? The first double-amputee to compete in the Olympic games. Yeah, the mother-fucker with no legs who runs like a beautiful gazelle with boomarang feet.
I watched Pistorius run the 400 meter last night and it was easily the most inspiring event I've ever witnessed. I immediately started questioning my own abilities, looking down at my fully-functioning legs, and realizing that I can never bitch about anything again. Ever.
I'm running my first race in September and have been struggling with the frequency of my runs-- dragging myself out of bed, lacing up my sneakers, and eagerly awaiting the end of each session.
"I'd rather be dead," I think, pounding away on the treadmill. "I would rather vote a straight Republican ticket than run for one more minute."
But then I watched Pistorius, and something changed. Running hasn't quite become fun, but I am thankful that I can do it.
Damn you, Olympics. Your inspirational framing of athletes got to me. But that doesn't mean I'll stop wanting to sleep with Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps, it just means I'll want to throw Oscar Pistorius in the mix, as well.
Side Note: Comedian Katt Williams has a hysterical bit about Pistorius. If you've never watched "Poor Little Tink Tink" stop what you're doing and hit play.
