Monday, August 20, 2012

Todd Akin Gives Us a Biology Lesson.

Oh, Todd Akin.

I take one week off of blogging and basic biology gets a total overhaul. Let's bone up, shall we?

If you have been living under a rock, Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) was asked in an interview Sunday if he supported abortion in cases of rape.

It appears the GOP Senate nominee somehow confused female reproduction with the self-destructing message from the Mission Impossible movies.

"If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways
 to try to shut that whole thing down."

This fertilized egg will detonate in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1.

I had absolutely no idea that this kind of technology was lying dormant in my lady parts. Looks like I need to go put on my best "come rape me outfit" and try this puppy out.

Good looking out, Rep. Akin. I'm going to make the assumption that since women come standard with this feature, abortion is absolutely off of the table, right? But let me play feminazi's advocate, what if there's a defect and a "legitimately raped" woman became pregnant, could she obtain an abortion then?

"Let's assume maybe that didn't work or something. 
I think there should be some punishment, 
but the punishment ought to be on the rapist."

Oh. So we can punish the rapist. But the victim still has to go through with the pregnancy, because the cluster of cells spawned from what would likely be the most traumatic experience of any woman's life, is more important than a her free will.

That's seems completely legitimate.

Speaking of legitimate, Rep. Akin, what exactly defines a "legitimate rape"? Is it a rape that requires two forms of identification and a notary present? 

Or is "legitimate rape" just one of those anti-abortion buzzwords that excludes things like date rape and spousal rape? But you wouldn't want to actually say something like that, you'd sound like a misogynistic asshole.

Well thanks for the biology lesson, Todd. I feel bad for all those faulty woman who became pregnant after being raped. 

But not nearly as bad as I feel for your wife. Because if you honestly think this bullshit is true, then it's safe to assume that you have no clue what a clitoris is, you fucking moron.

Good luck on your botched Senate campaign and subsequent Crystal Meth addiction.

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