Recently, I have found myself alone for the first time in over 10 years. My sisters' husbands have bragged about how much we girls in my family enjoy sex. My problem is now that I miss the fact that I miss sex. It used to be something that I really enjoyed and now I feel, well, mehh about it. To alleviates this situation, I went back to my beginnings and tried to masturbate. I found out though, that I HAD to fantasize about someone in order to make it work. Sometimes men, sometimes women, but I wonder, is there any other way to finish successfully? Suggestions?
Andi from Kansas
Happy Valentines Day all!
I hope everyone has enjoyed their Hallmark holiday. I know I did! Some Taco Bell and one heart-shaped chocolate box down, and I'm ready to ingest a whole bottle of Tums and watch the Daily Show in bed with my sweetheart.
But not before I give you all your V-Day present: My horrible sex advice to a stranger from the internet.
So Andi from Kansas, first, I must applaude you for using your real name and for admitting that you masturbate in the state of Kansas. Both admirable!
Now I read over your question a couple times, and aside from you feeling lackluster about sex, I can't really find a problem. I mean, you have to fantasize about someone during masturbation to reach orgasm?
I think that's the point.
Aside from fantasizing about a person or a scenario, I'm not exactly sure what would be an appropriate masturbation mind-reel. Besides maybe that taco/chocolate combo I mentioned earlier.
Basically, I don't think there's anything wrong with you having to fantasize about someone to get yourself off. I think it's healthy, normal and amazing to think about Ryan Reynolds, shirtless, and wearing a Reagan mask (or maybe that's just Mr. Rick Santorum's fantasy).
I even have an inkling that if you continue to stretch your sexual imagination, you may be able to hunt down your lost libido.
Listen Kansas, after 10 years in a relationship you are probably a much different person sexually than the last time you were single. Give yourself time to explore this side of you. The side that does not have a sexual partner. The side that can indulge in whatever fantasy you choose. Don't be afraid of your sexual fantasies. If anything, use them as a tool to guide you into the next chapter of your sexual life.
Unless that life involves Newt Gingrich in a Reagan mask, then it's time to find the nearest convent.