Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Orange you glad she makes your coffee

Most of the time when I come to my blog it's to bitch and moan about dickface customers, but sometimes your favorite blogista needs to vent about one of her own.

Enter ... overly-tan barista whose goal in life is to be an import car model. Sounds good, right? Quick Description: She's stupid, like a sun-roasted Forest Gump. She's also 19 and hot.

If there was ever someone who will make me lose faith in men, it will be this overly tan, slightly retarded girl.

Why you ask? Because I watch as they stop their cars in the middle of a parking lot to talk to her while she smokes a Newport on break. They coo with delight when she gives them incorrect change, explaining that sometimes she has trouble counting. They dry hump the counter when she looks at them with empty eyes and asks if she looks cute in her apron, while twirling a jet black hair extension.

Now I know you may be thinking that this is coming off rather harsh, but I'm concerned that this copper-colored idiot will be the next Republican vice president if she eye-fucks the right man.

I know nothing can be done and that many girls (and dudes) still believe that stupid equals sexy. But I pray that for every super-hot, import-model hopeful who reads at a 2nd-grade level, there is an even hotter Mensa member, who is busy building rockets and proving that smart and sexy can be found in the same non-orange body.

Until then, I will make it my mission to make sure this girl never makes eye contact with any GOP presidential candidate.

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