Thursday, February 14, 2013

Every day is Not Valentine's Day. I Will Stab You with an Arrow.

I woke up Matt/the dude I tricked into loving me at 6:30 in the morning with the following:

Allie: Happy Valentine's day!

Matt: (murmurs something unintelligible due to his face being smashed into a pillow)

Allie: Huh? I can't hear you, because YOU'RE SLEEPING!

Matt: Oh. My. God. Happy Valentine's day, baby.

I'm seeing a lot of "Every day is Valentine's Day in my house" on social media today, and I think it's time to call bullshit.

As someone who is in a looonnggg-term, live-in relationship I can say, for certain, that most days are not Valentine's Day.

Most days are like Guy Fawkes Day. Or President's Day. Or World Aids Day. Or "I'm going to kill you if I have to replace another empty toilet paper roll" Day.

Maybe if you said "Every day is like St. Patrick's Day" and you're in a relationship with an alcoholic, I'd believe you--but Valentine's Day?!?

Get out of here with that shit.

I love Matt. But most days are like Arbor Day. Or Canadian Thanksgiving.

Allie: I'm going to stab you in the face with an arrow ... like Cupid. It will be romantic.

Matt: You would stab yourself with the arrow. You would never hit me.

Allie: Oh, I would hit you! It would be like The Hunger Games.

Matt: Really? Because I don't remember Katniss tripping and impaling herself with her arrows.

Today was Administrative Professionals Day, at best.

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