Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'm Giving Up Awesome Shit for Lent in Hopes to Become the New Pope.

My friend Lisa loves to participate in Lent. Just to be clear, she is not a Catholic, she is a masochist.

Last year, she gave up Facebook. The year before, she went without potatoes/potato products. So while having a lovely breakfast with my dear friend last week, I was not surprised when she shared that she'd be giving up bread and grains (basically doing the whole paleolithic eating thing) this year.

"So you're doing it with me, right?" she asked.


"Because I saw that you've been eating really clean lately, and it will be fun to do it together."

There's something about Lisa. She has a type of contagious and boundless enthusiasm that could make water-boarding sound super rad.

"Sure," I said, as I shoveled a homefry in my mouth. "How long is it?"

"40 days."

"Oh, that will be easy." I said, wondering if I should suck off the hollandaise that spilled on my shirt.

Hours later, after the Stockholm's wore off, I was contemplating my exit strategy. See, I'm not a big fan of deprivation. Or Catholicism. I am, however, a huge fan of cookies, which I learned are not considered paleo. That little fact makes me very suspicious of anyone who would do this shit voluntarily, but that is another post for another time.

I was all ready to tell Lisa that I'm not a Catholic and the only thing I want to give up is that pedophile-propagating, Nazi pope.

And sure enough, the bastard resigns.


I guess when a former Baptist claims she'll only give up delicious, delicious carbs when the pope hangs up his silly hat, and then he does.

She's got to follow through.

So there you have it. Tonight I cried over a bowl of Mac and Cheese. Tomorrow I will be a ... Lent-ee, Lent-er, huge bitch.

I plan on keeping you guys abreast of the situation, mainly on Twitter and Instagram, so you should follow me (and crazypants Lisa). Also feel free to join in on the abuse by using #Lent2013 and #NotReallyaCatholic.

Find me on Twitter and Instagram @AllieOopsie

Find Lisa on Twitter @LisaDirtyMoney and on Instagram @austill

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