 |
| This shit is confusing. |
This proves once and for all that the South is a land rooted in traditional family values. A place that upholds the sanctity of marriage and will not stand idly by while someone tries to make a mockery of this holy union.
Wait.
Hey South Carolina, did you hear that Newt Gingrich has fucked up so many sick women's lives that Susan G. Koman is thinking about naming a three-day walk-a-thon after him?
No.
Well, I know you had to hear that the day of the debate, his second wife, you know, the one he left after she was diagnosed with MS (not to be confused with the first wife he left while she had cancer) came out in the media saying that Mr. Gingrich propositioned her for an open marriage.
Cue shock, South Carolinians.
Yep, Mr. Reagan-Republican himself asked his then-wife if she wouldn't mind sharing all of his big-headed lovin' with his congressional-aid/mistress, you know, the one he had been banging for the prior six years.
She of course said no, probably because she was eager to get out from under the weight of his humongous head. She also decided to give a tell-all interview in hopes to show what kind of man ol' Newt is.
Which is a philandering, adulterous, sexual deviant, who has made it a mission to devalue every one of his marriages by having tawdry affairs with other women.
This proves, once and for all, that Newt Gingrich is a Democrat.
Because Republicans don't have extra-marital affairs. With Women.
Republicans have affairs with dudes they meet on Craigslist.
I'm looking at you, Mr. Santorum.
