Hillary's Vagina is Under Fire and Other News You Might Have Missed.

Sometimes you can't keep up with all the hard-hitting news, so I decided to compile a few of this week's most compelling stories.

Pete Santilli, some bullshit online radio host, said earlier this week that he wanted to shoot Hillary Clinton in the vagina. Santilli said,  "I want to shoot [Clinton] right in the vagina and I don't want her to die right away; I want her to feel pain." 

Little does Santilli know, that's actually just a day of light masturbation for Hillary.

Reports are circulating that Beyonce and Jay-Z are expecting their second child. While it hasn't been confirmed yet, Kanye West has already announced that Beyonce is the best pregnant lady of all time.

Sorry, Kim. He's gonna let you finish, though.

Kai, the hitchiking, hatchet-weilding internet sensation, is the suspect in the murder of a New Jersey attorney. The homeless 24-year-old was arrested Thursday, but suggested on his Facebook page days before that he was sexually assaulted by the attorney.

Well there's nothing funny about sexual assault or murder so let's remember a simpler time...

Shame. He seemed like such a stable guy.

True Love Waits. Blue Balls? Not so Much.

It's Thursday, and you know what that means.

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Okay, I'm sorry for that. I will never use early '90s hip-hop lyrics in reference to a blog topic again. That was wrong of me.

Anywho, since obviously people are not fucked up enough to write into I'm Not Really a Barista, I've decided to share some opinions on sex education. If you have been paying attention to the news or Twitter, you are probably aware that the topic of sex education has been in the media a lot.

Like in Wisconsin. Oh Wisconsin.

Recently, legislation has passed the state Senate that will require public schools to stress abstinence education. This would make Wisconsin the 27^th U.S. State that is pushing abstinence until marriage in place of sex education.

Really, 27 states? More than half of the country is encouraging horny high-schoolers to keep it in their pants until marriage, and this is supposed to end well.

I remember being given abstinence-only education in high school. I remember the 14-year-old girls sporting purity rings after signing a pledge to keep themselves pure until their wedding night. I remember bracelets emblazoned with the words “True Love Waits.” Then I remember the next year when about 10 of those same girls got knocked-up. I guess, purity is really overrated when you're dry-humping in the back of a Ford Focus.

I hope that this legislation doesn't pass in Wisconsin, because at least it was warm where I lived, so I can only imagine how much boning these purity-stricken teens will do in the dead of winter.

But on a positive note, at least MTV will have new candidates for “16 and Pregnant.” Because true love might wait, but raging erections tend to be rather impatient.