I'm Back. Don't All Scream at Once.

Do you remember that time when your dad left your family right before Christmas? He packed up his bags and said, "Sorry kids, you're mom is an ice-bitch who hasn't touched my penis in eight years." 

No? 

Shit. I guess this just got awkward. 

Anyways, I'm back! Thanks to all of you guys who hung around and didn't unfollow me during my brief blogging hiatus.  I had a pretty crazy holiday season and my birthday is New Year's Eve, so basically my insides are just starting to recover from the cheap champagne/birthday cake combo. But I'm back and ready for action, and by action, I mean more political gaffes, dumbass reality TV, and emails from people eager to find out if they can fit a garden gnome up their...

Well, I guess somethings should be saved for later. 

I missed you all, and I'll never leave you again.