Thursday, January 17, 2013

Sexiest Man Alive, Pat Robertson, Blames Ugly Women for Marital Problems.

Mr. Charming Pants is at it again!

That's right. Pat Robertson, the man that has blamed every terrorist attack, natural disaster and shitty Monday morning on feminists and/or the gay community, is ready to place blame on a new subsection of the population.

Ugly Women.

Yep. Robertson says that "awful-looking," "hard-nosed," "overweight" women are responsible for marital problems.

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could any normal woman be good enough for that sexy mo-fo Pat Robertson?"

And my answer is, "I just don't know!"

I mean look at him, he's glorious. It's like Jesus and Ryan Gosling somehow had man-on-man, child-producing, totally straight sex, and he is the product of that blissful union.

And us bitches need to step our game up!

Take us to church, Pat.

"A woman came to a preacher that I know, and she was awful looking. I mean, her hair was all torn up and she was overweight and looked terrible, clothes bad and everything. And she said, 'Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink.' And the preacher looked at her and said, 'Madam, if I was married to you I'd start to drink too.'"

Boom. Suck on that, fatty. Your husband's raging alcoholism is totally your fault. Maybe if you'd fix yourself up a little, he'd put down the hooch and jump in your cooch--missionary only, of course!

I'm sure some of you think that Robertson is being a misogynistic asshat, but you're probably ugly and therefore don't deserve an opinion or a healthy marriage.

Thanks again, Robertson. It's men like you that remind me that my only real value is my physical appearance. And if I gain 10 pounds or forget to take a flat iron through my hair, I deserve my failed marriage.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, men like you also make me want to dive face first into lesbianism.

To see Mr. Burns Pat Robertson talk about this shit on TV, watch the clip below. And even though it may be hard, try not to masturbate while watching. 

Women aren't supposed to do that either!


Yowza. Cool it with all that sexy, Pat.

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