Friday, September 10, 2010

What did you do with my whores, Craig?

 If you haven't heard yet, Craigslist has removed the "adult services" section from its website. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "what does this mean for me?" Well, your favorite little barista/blogger is here to help. I decided to compile a list of how the absence of "adult services" might impact you and those around you.

  1. Massages will no longer be sensual. Yep, you heard me. The act of getting an oily rubdown from a stranger while in your skivvies will have to go back to being professional.  
  2. Escorts will now be advertsing on Facebook. Which means the suggested friends box is about to get really awkward, i.e., "Why is dad friends with someone named, 'The Hung Cowboy?'"
  3. College grads who have taken to the site aching to pay off exorbitant loans are now going to have to hit the streets. Meaning, that philosophy degree won't be of much help while going toe-to-toe with Candy and her broken beer bottle. 
  4. Evangelical leaders will now only be able to cruise for dudes at their gay-to-straight camps.
  5. Ever wanted to be tied up and beat by a leather-bound, transvestite midget? Yeah. Well, that's gonna be a little bit harder to make happen now.
  6. See number 4. Replace evangelical leaders with politicians and gay-to-straight camps with public restrooms.
  7. The pimp you encounter might be named Craig. He probably has a list. But he will most certainly  have a gun, so you should try your best to not end up on his list. 
If after you read this, all hope seems lost, don't despair. There's a reason it is called "the oldest profession." Hookers are a wily bunch and will no doubt find a way to use technology to their advantage. I'm thinking Twitter, so remember to look for @leatherbound_midget and until then get a professional massage and relax.

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