Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Why I'll be Blogging on Myspace from Now on.

Nothing quite makes me want to burn down the internet like trying to be tech savvy. 

I know I should be better at this, being a dot.com kid and all, but if it doesn't involve updating my Myspace with a super sparkly graphic, I don't want to know nothing about it, ya dig?

This all started when I wanted to give my ol' blog a little sprucing, well apparently the upgraded comment system that I added to my blog (while tryin' to be fancy), blocked my ability to customize it without changing the template manually. And since I just learned that you can, in fact, turn off an iPhone, that shit wasn't going to be happening. So I uninstalled the comment system and ALL of my comments disappeared--including the default blogger ones. That's when I started crying.

I don't want to have to figure this out.

I know this might get my super-cool millennial card revoked, but I have no idea how a computer works. I also have no desire to learn. I like to imagine that two teeny, tiny hamsters live in my laptop and are running on a wheel or flying a kite with a key attached to the end.

Or maybe Ashton Kutcher dressed up as Steve Jobs lives inside my iPad and allows me to play Angry Birds, who knows? Some people, I'm sure. But they probably don't make coffee for a living.

My dad is always talking to me about cookies and ram, and how I should have taken some classes in college on how to do something besides Facebook stalk exes and google naked celebrities, but I didn't. However, I can literally find you 789 pictures of Rihanna's tits at any given time. And in my opinion, that's a resume-worthy skill. 

But apparently when your blog decides to lose it's damn mind, it doesn't do you a whole lotta good.

Fuck, I still have an AOL email address. 

No one told me that being a blogger would involve so much computer stuff, I thought it was 60 percent being snarky and 40 percent becoming Twitter famous. But now I'm attached to the stupid blog, and let's be honest it's the only hope I have for not being a barista anymore, so what do I do?

Just to lay all my cards out on the table, here are some things I can/can't do on the internet.

So any of y'all have a three-year-old savant that can design my website, and I can pay her in apple juice and hugs? Or someone can offer me free web design out of their van.

But until then, I'll just continue manically writing the Disqus technical support people until they get so sick of me they just do it themselves.

Oh, and updating my Myspace page, of course!


Zane said...

I... Actually can do this.
But it takes me longer than it should, and because of that, I don't.
But I can (although, for my own blog I just used a default template).

Brittany SSP said...

Ah, poor Allie! Gotta admit, I laughed a bit at this. I am not what I'd call tech-savy- no idea what a RAM is or how many mega/giga/nano bites I need for anything- but I can figure out my blog pretty well. My hubby is more like you though, and if I even mention HTML he shakes his head and pours himself another beer.

Anonymous said...

oh no! But I totally get where you're coming from. My dad builds computers as a hobby. A HOBBY! who the hell wants to try and figure out how to install a microprocessor?! He talks tech jargon at me and I stare at him blankly over dinner while shoving another spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth before asking if he read the latest headline on CNN in an attempt to change the subject. I don't know and I don't want to know about any of it. I can write some HTML. I can write some CSS. *some* enough to be able to customize a blogger layout. Everything I know, I learned by studying a torrented version of dreamweaver. But that was 10 years ago and everything's changed now. I feel like I wouldn't be able to find my way out of a paperbag these days.

Amanda Nicole said...

I was never super tech savvy growing up, but over the past 6 months I have taught myself so many things! I designed my blog and my friends blog as well. I sorta do it as a hobby, but wouldn't mind helping you out with yours if you like.

Allie said...

Brittany- I feel me and your husband would get along swimmingly. And feel free to laugh at my pain, what's the point of pain if we can't laugh about it later!

saphfyre- OMG, my dad just built a computer a few months ago. I have no idea how we are related!

Amanda- I need to just breakdown and try to learn the basics! But I absolutely love the layout of your blog, so I might have to get some pointers from you.

Allie said...

Zane- Somehow I just found out that your comment went to my spam folder--which proves how ridiculous these stupid Google comments are!!

Ohhh, and obviously you are a man of many talents.