Sunday, May 12, 2013

My Mom Might be a Witch and Other Mother's Day Revelations.

My mother is a magical woman.

I'm not being nice. I think she might actually be into some form of witchcraft. Low-level stuff, I assume, probably like hour one of The Craft.  

My mom's obsession with the supernatural began with Charmed. Yes, the Shannon Doherty show about the three bewitched sisters who fought off other-worldly creatures in midriff-bearing tops. They were powerful. And my mom was impressed.

"I just wish Piper and Leo would get their shit together," she would say with a sigh.


"Piper and Leo!"

"Who the hell are you talking about, Mom?"

"Piper and Leo! From Charmed!"

Yep, she was on a first name basis with three TV witches and expected me to participate in her insanity. 

These conversations happened all the time. She likened herself to the fourth sister, emotionally supporting them from the other side of the TV.

"I know her," she would yell when she saw one the actresses in something other than Charmed.

When Shannon Doherty was killed off the show, she was heartbroken that network executives didn't come knocking on our door offering her the replacement role. And it might have even been a possibility, had she not been watching the show on TNT ten years after it originally aired.

Yep, she was on a first name basis with three TV witches who stopped being culturally relevant during the Clinton years.

She eventually moved on from Charmed when she caught herself quoting an entire episode. It lost its mystery. And she was losing touch with reality.

Next on the playlist was Ghost Whisperer. Then Roswell. Then Supernatural. Basically any creepy show that was mildly popular 5-10 years ago that aired on basic cable was her jam. 

Now, I don't know why my sweet, loving mother is so consumed by the paranormal. But I can only assume, she's a witch.

Or on her way to being one. Witchcraft 101, if you will.

The real question is: Will she be a good witch or a bad witch?!

And if she's a bad witch, how long will it be before she drops a house on me after I've talked about her being obsessed with horrible television and witchcraft, on the internet, on Mother's Day?!

I love you, Mom. And for Mother's Day, I really hope Piper and Leo can get their shit together.

A long-ago Mother's Day, before
the dark magic took hold.

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