Thursday, February 11, 2010

From Russia with Love

As previously mentioned, I work in Bumfuck Egypt, for those not familiar with that location, follow the sound of the banjo and the smell of burning leaves and eventually you'll run into it. I have come to terms with the fact that the majority of the population will forever make the word, "tall" into three syllables, "Tah-Wo-l" and that's fine. But what I don't like is when people come in that you don't expect, that throw you off your game. For me this is a group, I will refer to only as, the Espresso Mafia.
The Espresso Mafia, is a group of Russian men, who come into our litte BFE Starbucks, and order only shots of espresso. The exchange usually goes something like this.
Me: "Hi, what can I get for you?"
EM member: "Double Espresso"
Now, this seems fine, but you must picture a towering, furry-knuckled man, dripping in gold jewelry, who sounds like bond villian saying it. It's funny isn't it.
I'm not exactly sure why BFE has such a large concentration of heavily-accented Russian men ... okay that's a lie, I have a clue ... They're in organized crime. Oh yeh, I said it. I mean I have no proof that they are in the mob but I mean I've watched, "The Godfather" like 3,000 times and am obsessed with the Sopranos, so I mind as well be a scholar on the matter.
I don't care if they are, but I'd like for them to tell me stuff, you know, who they whacked, or maybe I can be their mob secretary. I'd like to just be something more than the girl who sells them espresso.
No, not like their “gumar” because they all have equally interesting wives that I would not want to cross.
My favorite wife looks like she should be on one of those "Real Housewives" shows. I'll explain, She's tall but wears stilettos, buxom but wears a pushup bra, blonde and teased with long acrylic nails. She says nothing, rarely makes eye contact but her husband always looks like he is about to proposition you for a threesome, so it evens itself out.
I don't really know what my fixation is with the Espresso Mafia as a whole, but I think it is based on the fact that they look so out of place amongst the Tim Tebow jerseys and John Deere hats. Although, I guess I should have learned by now to never be surprised by our cast of characters because they're all a mystery. But, secretly I hope that one day the Espresso Mafia, will open up to me, and tell me what it is they really do ... probably custom banjo makers.

No comments: