Help! My Sexual Advisor Sucks at her Job

Dear Allie,


How can I make my girlfriend cum? 


-Anonymous




Stop spelling it C-U-M. That should about do it, Anon.

Anyone else want to throw their hat in the sex advice ring?

I've got basketball to watch.

XOXO

ALLIE

P.S. If after reading this you think, "Holy shit! She's really bad at this advice-giving thing. There's not a chance in hell I'll send her an email." Send me one, anyway, at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or message me on Twitter @AllieOopsie.  You will remain anonymous.

Help! My Friend Wants an Orgasm

Cut to the chase someone asked me:

I have never had an orgasm and was wondering how I can have a great one! I am down for anything.

I couldn't answer this, so I thought I would ask the next best person. Save me from giving bad sex advice.

Thanks


It's been a couple weeks since I've received an email at I'm Not Really a Barista, and I was starting to think you guys didn't think my unqualified sex advice was good enough. 


But finally, an email, ahh sweet validation. So I'm going to make sure that this is the best advice I've ever given. Even better than that time I told Roberto Arango to show his asshole on Grindr. 


Okay, no named person, your friend wants to have an amazing first orgasm, but I'm curious is she wanting to have this orgasm with another person or by herself? If it's the latter than I suggest you tell your friend to find some stimulation, whether that be sexual fantasies/erotica/pornography/Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog, just something that incites some sense of arousal and do some southern-hemisphere exploring. 


Depending on your friends level of comfort/knowledge of her body this may take time. It may not be something that happens the first time, but it will eventually happen.


Or you could just buy her this.


Now, if your friend is hoping to achieve an orgasm with a partner, well, that might be a little bit trickier. Hopefully, her chosen partner is not a graduate of the Jackhammer School of Sex or the "I couldn't find your clitoris with a GPS" School of Oral Sex. I would suggest that your friend basically do the same thing with her partner that she would do alone, masturbate with a couple extra hands. This is because a person who is not sure how to get their body to climax will probably face frustration if they leave their orgasm completely up to another person. You got to walk before you run. 


Or her partner could just use this.

                                      XOXO,

                                       Allie

P.S. If after reading this you think, "Wow sex is really confusing!" Write me at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!