A Marital Disagreement

For those of you that don't know, I work in a little town known as Bumfuck Eygpt. Now I know it may seem strange that BFE would have a $4 latte-selling coffee shop, and it is. But for the most part, the small-town folk who inhabit this place have grown accustomed to us. They come in, mispronounce drink names, bitch about the price of coffee, and ultimately come back again the next day to repeat the process.

However, this acceptance came with a price. When the shop opened nearly five years, residents were outraged.

“You mean to tell me that these pinko, commie, tree-hugging, atheist sons-a-bitches, are gonna come into my town and gay up all our kids with their fancy-pants drinks. Well, fuck you.”

That was basically the headline of the local paper the day our store opened.

Most of these people didn't want anything to do with a company (that shall not be named) known for yuppie servitude and leftish leanings, but over time people forgot and considered us to be one of their own.

That was until last Saturday.

A young man stood at the entrance of our store with a sign that read “This Company Supports Gay Marriage. Do You?”

The answer, was a resounding NO.

Luckily I was not there, because I would probably really not be a barista if I had been.

But the next day I was met with this.

This man forfeited his rewards card that had $20 on it. He explained not so subtly that he did not agree with the company's stance on gay marriage and for that reason he would no longer be a patron. He felt that this was something worth standing up for.

Now, normally, this wouldn't be an issue. But I knew this man. He came in every day. He met me with a smile and kindness. I cared how his day was. I asked about his family. I watched his baby turn into a toddler. I watched that toddler turn into a rambunctious boy. I handed him his coffee and his child a luke-warm hot chocolate that I pinky-promised was coffee just like his daddy's.

I liked him. I liked him as more than just a customer. I liked him as a person.

And I felt like I had been tricked into thinking that this person believed the same things as me. That because he came into our store every day and shared conversation with me, he wasn't like so many others.

“Fuck him,” I said to my manager.

She frowned and said that we didn't know the situation.

“It doesn't matter,” I said. “No situation would make his behavior acceptable.”

“It's just how some people are around here,” she countered.

And she was right. I had overlooked this town's initial distaste for us. I had assumed that their presence in our store meant that they were on our side.

My manager made sure I knew that I was not allowed to say anything on the matter to customers if this situation were to happen again.

I'm not sure if the young man with the controversial sign will come back, but if he does I will not say anything.

 I will stand next to him with a sign that says, “YES”.

Because our dissatisfied customer was right, some things are worth standing up for.

The Holy Grail of Closet Cases

Usually I dedicate Tuesdays to something I love in the news. It just so happens that my first love will always be when a homophobic politician ends up with a cock in the mouth.

Unfortunately, I'm sick and just can't find the energy to dig up something scandalous, so I decided to give my beloved readers a powerful tool.

Enter: GayHomophobe.com

This website gives a running countdown of "homophobic-but-queer politicians" or other prominent bigots who get caught in a sex scandal. It's a fun read, and all the proceeds from the website go to Truth Wins Out.

I'm going to go take some Nyquil and try to give myself a bikini wax. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

I Love a Jihad Against Rick Santorum

Jihad means holy war? I thought it
meant sweaty, anal sex party. Nevermind.

Recently, uber-douchebag, bigot, and presidential-hopeful Rick Santorum said that the LGBT community has "gone out on a jihad" against him. Santorum believes that because Dan Savage and his readers have made his name synonymous with a by-product of anal sex, the gay community has gone all holy war on him.

Sure, Santorum compared homosexuality to bestiality and gay marriage to a napkin, but what's the big deal. Napkins are useful and my dog just got anally finger-banged by his groomer. Chill out.

So, I'm here to tell Mr. Santorum that I'm behind him 100 percent ... with a strap-on and a bottle of Astroglide ready to create a frothy, frothy mix.

Santorum 2012. Fuck yeah.