Obama Vs. Romney Vs. Big Bird

I'm kind of on a hiatus. Mainly, I'm just busy and would rather spend my off-time watching shitty reality TV than pretending to be literate and witty three times a week.

However, today marks a much-anticipated event here at I'm Not Really a Barista--the first presidential debate.

Which means...

In this corner, weighing in at a brawny 195-pounds--the Mormon Monopoly Man, the whitest thing to come out of Detroit since any Eminem fan--Mitt "Magic Underpants" Romney.

And in this corner, weighing in at a lean, mean 170-pounds--that Hawaiian guy who might be a Muslim or a Socialist or in blackface--Barack "I Killed Fucking Bin Laden" Obama.

Now while I'm still on my blogging diet and couldn't be funny if I tried, that doesn't mean that you people can't.

Here are some of my favorite tweets from the #PresidentialDebate.

@BigBirdRomney

@RobDelaney

@natashaleggero

@heyitstva

@ItsHeatherRose

@curlycomedy

@ItsReginaG

Well, I think that was a successful first debate. We've learned that if you drink every time someone says "top-down economics" you'll be dead in 20 minutes. That there's something called "clean coal" which I  assume is coal ran through a dishwasher. That Romneycare and Obamacare are NOT the same thing.

And that Mitt Romney hates Big Bird, probably because he assumes any 6'5 guy wearing yellow feathers wants to get gay married.

We Salute You Jay

I guess Jay, an "uptight queen barrista [sic]" in NYC, did something to piss off Alec Baldwin. Baldwin then decided to get on Twitter and put his barista on blast.

Wow, Jay, what did you do to make the mild-mannered 30-Rock star mad at you?

Well, whatever it was, I only have one thing to say to you...

Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be.