Dear Allie,
I hate to use your advice column for such an obscure question but it is something that has perplexed me for a long time. I see a lot of women walking around who have the ability to wear their pants so low that it leaves you wondering, "where is her vagina?!?”
I came across this photo on Facebook (not mine so it might want to be cropped if actually used on your site) and I was equally impressed and intrigued at her anatomy... please take a look for yourself!
As you can see, the bellybutton is in place and then there is about a foot or so of body before her pants start. So I ask you, where is her vagina?
Thanks,
Vexed by Vag
Thanks for the question Vexed, I want to let you know there is no question too obscure for this advice wizard... lady wizard? witch? Whatever. They're all welcome. Unless you want to talk about some "2 Girls and a Cup" type stuff, because, well, that's just gross.
Anyways, after throughly observing this photo, I have come to a conclusion.
This woman is obviously vagina-less. Yep, you heard me right ... vagina-less. I'm going to assume that she wasn't born without a vagina, but rather had her vagina removed in an act of cosmetic surgery. (Why else would they be pointing at it?)
Now I know what you're thinking, "Why in the heck would anyone get their gosh darn hoo-ha removed?" To which I'll reply, "Good question!" and after that positive feedback I'll explain why I believe this woman chose to have her vagina removed.
You see, Vexed, women are constantly fucking around with their lady bits. They wax it, bejewel it, surgically alter it, get "open for business" tattooed on it after a messy breakup (just me???) and now they are getting the pesky thing removed. Young women are constantly striving for perfection and the vagina will not be ignored. We have been mutilating the shit out of our vag for years in hopes to make it more beautiful. And who is the archetype of beauty and femininity?
Barbie.
And what doesn't Barbie have?
A vagina.
Case closed.
XOXO Allie
P.S. If after reading this, you think you're fucked up enough to appear in this blog, write me at notreallyabarista@gmail.com or on Twitter @AllieOopsie. You will remain anonymous!
