Dear Customers, Stop Being So Fucking Crazy

Originally, this blog was born out of a deep-rooted hatred for working in customer service. It has since morphed into an assortment of unimportant, mildly-entertaining posts, that will ensure that I never obtain a real job. However, sometimes I feel the need to kick it old school, primarily when I encounter a douchenozzle customer who makes me want to lace their latte with pubic hair. Recently, I met a crazy woman who made me want to do just that. Enjoy.

The dance of the barista and the emotionally-unstable customer:

Bitch: I want a sugar-free caramel macchiato.

Barista: Okay, is there anything else I can get for you?

Bitch: (audibly louder) Will you give me one damn second?

Barista: Oh, okay, take all the time you need.

Bitch: I want a piece of coffee cake.

Barista: Alright, is there anything else I can get for you?

Bitch: (yells) No! Are you trying to make me fat?

Barista: (laughs)

Bitch: (silence)

Barista: Okay. We'll get that drink started for you.

A second barista begins making the drink. The customer walks the 10-feet to the handoff counter.

Bitch: It's not done yet? God!

Barista: I'm almost done. It will just be a few more seconds.

Bitch: (yells) What are you doing? I said make it cold!

Barista: Sorry, I didn't hear that. (under breath) Because you didn't say it, you psychotic bitch. But I'll remake it.

Bitch: Oh. Yes. You. Will.

At this point most of the employees are watching, baffled, at this woman's unprovoked anger. The barista hands off the drink. The woman rolls her eyes, walks out, and heads back to her home at the mental institute.

Now, I'm not saying this woman is crazy. Yes, I am. I'm just saying that I would put money on the fact that she hasn't touched another person in years, and her only socialization is with her cats, all of which are named after Golden Girls' characters. I'm sure she also mentioned this fact on her Match.com profile.

Oh, cat Blanche, you're such a slut,
just like real Blanche.

One would think when your only companionship is your sassily-named felines and the camera crew from Hoarders, you would take human interaction where you could get it.

But what would I know, I just make coffee for living.