Sexiest Man Alive, Pat Robertson, Blames Ugly Women for Marital Problems.

Mr. Charming Pants is at it again!

That's right. Pat Robertson, the man that has blamed every terrorist attack, natural disaster and shitty Monday morning on feminists and/or the gay community, is ready to place blame on a new subsection of the population.

Ugly Women.

Yep. Robertson says that "awful-looking," "hard-nosed," "overweight" women are responsible for marital problems.

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could any normal woman be good enough for that sexy mo-fo Pat Robertson?"

And my answer is, "I just don't know!"

I mean look at him, he's glorious. It's like Jesus and Ryan Gosling somehow had man-on-man, child-producing, totally straight sex, and he is the product of that blissful union.

And us bitches need to step our game up!

Take us to church, Pat.

"A woman came to a preacher that I know, and she was awful looking. I mean, her hair was all torn up and she was overweight and looked terrible, clothes bad and everything. And she said, 'Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink.' And the preacher looked at her and said, 'Madam, if I was married to you I'd start to drink too.'"

Boom. Suck on that, fatty. Your husband's raging alcoholism is totally your fault. Maybe if you'd fix yourself up a little, he'd put down the hooch and jump in your cooch--missionary only, of course!

I'm sure some of you think that Robertson is being a misogynistic asshat, but you're probably ugly and therefore don't deserve an opinion or a healthy marriage.

Thanks again, Robertson. It's men like you that remind me that my only real value is my physical appearance. And if I gain 10 pounds or forget to take a flat iron through my hair, I deserve my failed marriage.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, men like you also make me want to dive face first into lesbianism.

To see Mr. Burns Pat Robertson talk about this shit on TV, watch the clip below. And even though it may be hard, try not to masturbate while watching. 

Women aren't supposed to do that either!

     

Yowza. Cool it with all that sexy, Pat.

Dear GOP, Even Pat Robertson Thinks You're Batshit Crazy

Attention Republican presidential hopefuls: The old dude from the 700 Club, who believes homosexuality caused Hurricane Katrina, thinks you need to take it down a notch. 

Yep, the fella who believes Haiti had it coming and that feminists are really just witchcraft-practicing lesbians, said on his program that Republicans are going into extremes that will lose them the general election.

Holy shit. This completely logical piece of advice is coming from the man who undoubtedly beats off to the idea of Ann Coulter spitting on an illegal immigrant. 

Are you listening GOP? 

The gatekeeper of the Religious Right thinks that you guys are going to lose the general election if you don't adopt some more moderate positions. This is like Charles Manson telling someone that they might need to seek some therapy because they're acting a little nutty.

Does God, Jesus, and the freaking Holy Spirit need to come down to Earth, buy a Prius, slap a COEXIST sticker on that bad boy, and vote Democrat before you guys realize that you have isolated your party.

I don't know if this blog really has a point, but the fact that I agree with something Pat Robertson said makes me feel unclean. So I'm going to go take some birth control and masturbate to girl-on-girl porn.

Maybe it really is the end of days.