Ke$ha Tries to Talk Me Into an Early Death.

I accidentally heard Ke$ha's new song on the radio.

It happened innocently enough. I was driving down the road listening to Ryan Seacrest talk about body glitter and the Kardashians when something horrible echoed from my speakers.

If skanks had a mating call, this is what it would sound like--meaning it could only be one person.

Ahh, Ke$ha. I immediately swerved my car into oncoming traffic, because who really wants to live in a world where Ke$ha is considered a worthwhile talent. That's when I heard it ...

We're Gonna Die Young. 

I straightened out my wheel because I'll be damned if Ke$ha tells me what to do. But it did get me thinking--is this what our kids  your kids  people are listening to? I mean, this bitch reminds me of shaved-head Britney, without all the sex appeal. Plus, she's riding on YOLO's coattails by encouraging 16 year olds to live like they're gonna die young.

And you know what that means ... Teen Mom: Season 35 sponsored by Valtrex.

See what you did, Ke$ha?! Life Ruiner!

I'm Not Really a Meth Dealer... Yet

I've learned something since becoming a post-grad a little over a week ago. People have too many goddamn opinions. An example? Why of course.

“So what are you going to do with your life now that you're out of college?”

Well, I was thinking about selling crystal meth, but I just don't think I have that trustworthy drug-dealer face.

Unfortunately, my responses are never as witty as my imagined-blog responses. The real ones usually sound like this.

Umm, well, I don't know. I think I'm going to keep making coffee for awhile, and I've been writing this blog.

It seems people don't want to hear that you have no idea what you want to do with your life. You've had four years, what in the fuck have you been doing? Any uncertainty immediately takes you out of the "responsible student" category and fast-tracks you into the "soon to be posing seductively on cars" category. 

Seriously people, I didn't just tell you that I got finger-banged by a vagrant in an alleyway again. I told you that I don't know what I want to do with the majority of my time for the next 40 or so years. Give me a break.

So I guess I might really be a barista for a little while, and a blogger and kinda into homeless people, but so is Ke$ha, and she seems to be doing alright for herself.

Life Goals are Bullshit!

You tell 'em K-Money.