Thursday, July 5, 2012

Help! I Might Be Sleeping with a Douchebag.


I'm seeing (and by seeing, I mean banging) a guy I actually like. I'm pretty sure he's a douchebag though. He tells all my friends that he's not looking for anything serious, but some online stalking revealed that he claims to be "looking for that special someone."

If he were like most guys I've slept with, I would just stop talking to him, but this bitch knows what he's doing. He is also the best looking dude I've ever slept with (ugly dudes are my curse).

Do I keep banging him and take it for what it is? Do I say something? I'm all jumbled. What's your perspective on this? 

You're my hero,
Not in a position to pass up great sex  

I'm always a little surprised when I receive an email asking for my advice--elated--but surprised, nonetheless.

Then I read NIAPTPUGS email and saw that this lovely reader has referred to me as her hero. And while I appreciate the kind words, I think I might know your problem, dollface.

I'm your hero.

That's a real bad life decision. I make lattes and write about blowjobs on the Internet, I'm in absolutely no position to be anyone's hero.

Well, unless it involves a cape, then I'm totally game! Super Allie to the fucking rescue!

Moving on. NIAPTPUGS, you're in a pretty common predicament. The "I'm almost certain the guy I'm sleeping with is a huge toolbox, but he's hot and sexually gifted, so I'm willing to overlook it" predicament. This has become a common issue with women due to the sheer lack of absolutely gorgeous men who are like Stephen Hawking with their tongues, but that doesn't mean that we should tolerate bullshit.

From your email, I can't quite tell if you really want to be with this guy or not. You say you like him, but then chalk up your continued contact to his sexual prowess. My guess is that the potential for catching a bad case of the feelings is there, and who can blame you. He seems pretty dreamy, except for the whole using the term "that special someone" thing. He's gotta knock that shit off.

If I'm right and you do like him, you might want to get that out in the open. Talk to him. I know it's not a fun conversation to have, but it's necessary. If he doesn't see you in that way, you should know. He should tell you, not your friends.

Finally should you keep sleeping with him?

It usually gets ugly when fuck buddies have unmatched feelings, but ultimately that's your decision. I will never tell someone to give up amazing sex, but I will tell you that you can't fuck someone into wanting a relationship--no matter what Pretty Woman tried to tell us.

So talk to him, NIAPTPUGS. Hopefully, it all works out with your Lothario. But if it doesn't, at least you don't have to be with a guy who says things like "looking for that special someone".

Now, where's my fucking cape?

P.S. If after reading this you think, "I think I might be sleeping with a super-hot douchebag." Email me at You will remain anonymous.


Zane Clark said...

You're my hero, too.

But I make really bad choices.

On the plus side, bad choices are usually more interesting.

Charcoal Renderings said...

Excellent use of "Lothario."

Allie said...

Zane- I'm proud to be your hero! Especially considering your bad choices.

Charcoal Rendernings- Thanks! I felt it complimented my repetitive use of the word douchebag lol

Ginny said...

Oh I have been in this situation before. GET OUT NOW.

Shaneiferd said...

Agreed. When romantic feelings are thrown into the mix, ignoring them is like a will just grow and multiply until it overtakes your system. Either talk to him to make your feelings clear, or get out now. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way, but he's too caught up in his douchebag mentality to show his true emotions. Or he really is, you know, a douchebag...but still. Honesty is usually the best path, if not the easiest.

Killer Cupcake said...

I'm terminally attracted to douchebags so I totally get it.

I'd be all, "Dump the douchebag and give me his number!!"

I suck.

briLikethebear said...

I love the phrasing of "catching a bad case of the feelings" that describes the situation perfectly! I feel so special that my question got answered. And you can definitely have a cape.

Allie said...

Ginny- Unfortunately, I think we have all been there! Damn Douchebags!

Shane- I agree! I always feel like honesty is the best policy when it comes to matters of the heart or things a little lower than the heart.

Killer Cupcake- You definitely don't suck. Douchebags are known for their siren-like ways!

Bri- I like to think of feelings like the flu lol

And I feel special to be able to answer you question! Hope my advice and the comments from my very wise readers help you out.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

The Dapper Lass said...

Ugh, I've been there. I ended up ditched for another girl. It's not a fun situation to be in.

camerabanger said...

With six billion people in the world and half of them men I have to assume there are a couple of good ones still out there. That leads me to think that your chances of meeting a 'good one' is a function of time/space/energy. Spend the time in the search. Cover a lot of ground in the search. Don't waste your energy on a loser (no matter how good looking-or how good a f**k)